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I love Jesus. I love my family. I love photography. I love books. I love thinking. Probably in that order. I have a wonderful husband, five beautiful daughters, a house, and a camera. I enjoy spending time talking to my husband, playing with my girls, redecorating my house and shooting things with my camera. In my spare time, I sleep.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Just a stream of thoughts...

Not much has been happening on my blog this month.  The summer has been busy & hot and I just simply have not felt like putting effort into it.  July zipped by.  Spent the fourth with family; went to Hill's Alive Christian music festival mid-month for vacation.  Took the kids to Mt. Rushmore, Reptile Gardens & Cosmos.  Got to see Sanctus Real; BarlowGirl & Newsboys.  Made small talk with Jars of Clay on the elevator at the hotel.  Had fun with my family.  This week I have been preoccupied with planning my sister's bridal shower.  I did a photo shoot on Saturday evening and earlier met with a couple who asked me to take photos at their wedding which is coming up next week.  Also, I finally got my curriculum ordered so I can start homeschooling Eden soon.   Just busy.  

There is just so much going on with wedding stuff, photography stuff, homeschool stuff and my anniversary.  Stuff, stuff, stuff.  I only have one free weekend between now and my sister's wedding in October. I am excited about all this "stuff" but at the same time it can seem a bit overwhelming if I think about it all at once.  I was planning on starting Eden's school schedule a month from now but I'm wondering if it would be better if I just waited until Oct when I can really concentrate on it.  I suspect she'll breeze right through it anyway.  I guess I'll decide after I've had a chance to look through the material.

Acacia is 10 months old now.  Hard to believe how soon we'll be celebrating her first birthday.  She is a proficient crawler.  She pulls herself up to things.  Will attempt to walk if we're holding her hands but doesn't seem too anxious to try that quite yet.  She still doesn't have any teeth and isn't the talker my other girls were.  By the time Eden was this age she was communicating with us very well.  Acacia is content to just say 'daddy'.  She doesn't even babble that much.  She is a happy, alert little gal though.  She is an eater.  I've been feeding her several jars of baby food a day and am still nursing every couple hours.  It is so strange though how I have been feeling about nursing lately.  I nursed Eden until she was 14 months old.  I weaned her before I was really ready because I needed to go on a trip without her and my parents wouldn't babysit unless she was weaned.  I was always kind of sad that I quit before I was ready.  With Jasmine I nursed her until she was 16 months old and that was about a month longer than I wanted to.  With Acacia...I'm just not enjoying it like I did before.  I am already ready to quit (but won't until she doesn't need it anymore...no formula for me).  I think I am just too busy & distracted.  At bedtime when I nurse her I love it...I soak her up but during the day I just can't seem to mentally slow down enough to appreciate the experience.  She is a fine nurser but she has a bad habit of scratching the dickens out of my chest, pulling my hair and kicking me in the face.  Plus whenever the other kids are around she is easily distracted by them and therefore does the suck, release, suck, release business that gets everybody wet. 

Spiritually I feel like I am in a dry spell.  I haven't been putting much effort into my relationship with God.  I pray superficially throughout the day and let my heart sing along to my worship music but I haven't been studying the Word, I haven't been making it to Bible study or church.  I still love Jesus and seek to please Him, I am just having a hard time summoning up the enthusiasm for fellowship.  I could really use your prayers---WE could really use your prayers in this regard.  For me the desire is there but the motivation is completely lacking. 

I guess this could be said about my life in general right now...I have desire (for God, for accomplishment, for food, for improvement) but I have very little motivation for anything.  I've been blaming it on the temperature but perhaps there is more to it than that?  I don't know.  Anyway...just wanted to get some of this out there in the world and hope that the juices would get to moving. 

Looking for motivation and inspiration.


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