"It is Finished"

 

Easter makes a person reflective...or at least I think it should. The Creator of the universe became like one of the created things to be humiliated, abused & killed so that he could demonstrate His love for us and demonstrate the power He has over death. And most of the time I'm just over here complaining about how annoying ads are.

God's been doing some big things in my life the last couple years...rearranging my life & my heart--showing me the depth of my sin and giving me so many opportunities to be more like Him. To love sacrificially, to endure humiliation with grace, to forgive. So this holy week as I reflected on the cross, I felt it all a little deeper as I've fought God on some of the elements of my soul remodel.

This past month He has been prompting me to offer my forgiveness to someone and to offer them His love. And I have resisted....because I'm fleshly and human and I didn't want to. God would prompt me and I would resist. I didn't even want to acknowledge what I felt the Spirit was asking me to consider and it caused so mush spiritual turmoil within me. I felt a bit like Jonah...trying to run from God's call and being tossed by the violent sea. 'Maybe it's not really God?' 'What if this person reacts badly?' 'Seems unwise to go to Ninevah...right? I would advise against it.' But the calling was still there and it began feeling more urgent by the day. And like Jonah...maybe deep down my resistance was because I knew that the point of this message is to draw this person to repentance and I am a little bitter at the thought of their salvation?

But, at the same time, I know the power of Christ and I desire to see good come from all the bad. I want to see redemption come. I want God to redeem all aspects of my hurt. And I worry about the consequences of ignoring this call and finding I've waited too long to obey.

So after weeks of the flesh & the spirit warring within me...I let the Spirit arise strong within me and I offered forgiveness and Christ's love to this person who wronged me. And the result? Rejection. Denial. Blocked. And my initial reaction was relief. And I said out loud to myself, “Welp, It's done. It's over. I did what I had to do and now it's finished.”

Later, I remembered the Easter story...and how Jesus uttered similar words on the cross before He died. “It is finished.” And I wondered to myself, what did Jesus really mean by that? Because...I'm guessing His “it is finished' didn't have the same undertone as mine. When I uttered those words it was...'whew! I did my part, I can wash my hands of this person's soul now.' but while I'm sure there was a breath of relief in Jesus' words as he reached the culmination of a plan as old as time itself...I know it wasn't because His part was over. And just like my offer of forgiveness was rejected and was met with denial that they had done any wrong...so do millions of people treat Jesus' sacrifice. Jesus died and offered propitiation for ALL. And while He's not going to force anyone to accept it, I know His heart is longing for theirs.

And if His heart longs for theirs; if He is was willing to be humiliated; if He loves those who abused Him, rejected Him and denied Him—well, then I am meant to follow that example.

When it comes to my personal situation...I did what God asked and that part is finished. I can move on with my own healing knowing I did what I was called by the Spirit to do. But I cannot harden myself to the heart of God for this person. His heart is for them to be saved and therefore that must be my heart for them as well. I may never have another interaction with this person ever again...but in my soul I can release all bitterness and pray for their salvation. I can choose to not be like Jonah whose story ended in anger & frustration at God's mercy for the evil-doers of Ninevah.

The spirit indeed is willing but OH how the flesh is weak...so, so weak. I've seen God work BIG. I've watched God answer some of my “impossible” prayers. And I've seen repentance happen in hardened hearts & miracles happen as a result. But..I've also seen how weak my flesh can be. I've watched my heart fail so many times. I've gone from pouting Jonah to Pentecost Peter and back again more times than I'd like to admit. I know well the battle described in Romans 7. “I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

I sometimes wish I could end the battle. Say I'm done and be done. But to end the war means giving in to the law of sin. I cannot let the eyes of my heart be clouded by the wisdom of the world.

I don't know what is going on behind the scenes. Jesus let the world believe it had won. Jesus let them mock Him for not saving Himself off that cross. And though He was oppressed & afflicted He did not open His mouth to defend Himself. Because He saw a bigger battle. He had a bigger spiritual law on His mind. “It is finished.” It has been paid in full. He endured it all for something bigger. He did it for me. He did it for them. He did it for you.

So I will too. I will keep waging the war within. For HIM.

The Finishing Work

 A couple weeks ago I was in the hospital with my parents. My dad had fallen off a ladder and severely broke a vertebra in his back, broke several ribs and a toe. He was in severe pain and we were unsure at that time how it would all turn out. My mom made a comment about why we don't see more miracles. Why can't we pray a prayer of healing, in faith, and have the doctors come in and wonder what happened? 'This man's back is not broken! No cracked ribs! What is wrong with our X-ray machine?'

God spoke to me in that moment and the answer that became so obvious to me is this: It's because we are a culture---a generation---that needs to learn perseverance.

I've been going through a lot lately. Life got real and life got hard this past year. Covid certainly played a role but all the stress I was absorbing because of the shift in our world in 2020 seemed like a dream when the challenges got really personal last fall. My whole reality was shaken, my self-image was shaken, my pride was revealed, my faith put to the test. And I got real up-close with God. The question we all face in times of crisis is, 'what am I really made of?'; 'How am I going to handle this?'

Here in America we are a culture that is defined by instant gratification. We want it our way and we want it now! We are not the generation that need those kind of miracles...the lame to walk and sight to the blind. We would outright reject it with reason! We would mock it! We would take it for granted. We'd get our miracle and turn around and give credit to something else! We would turn around and complain about our privilege.

Here in America, we need to learn steadfastness; we need to learn perseverance; we need to learn faith, hope & love. We don't need more instant gratification. That's the last thing we need!

James says, “Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (Jms1)

Paul wrote in Romans that “we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame.” (Rms5)

In 2 Corinthians we are reminded not to lose heart because “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all...this is why we fix our eyes not what is seen but what is unseen since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2Cor4)

To Timothy he wrote that “if we endure, we will reign with Christ” (2Tim2)

Our calling in all things is to hold on to faith in Christ and to love...because God is Love. And when trials come—when your world is shaken, when illness comes, when death comes, when those closest to you betray you, when you've fallen off a ladder and break your back—when you're daddy has fallen off a ladder and broken his back...when trial after trial and bad news after bad news seems to be targeting you... and you're not sure how to react in the rush of all that adrenaline, that emotion, that fear—the answer is always to keep the faith, to keep hope and to love.

And we know that “Love is patient and kind...it does not envy...it is not self-seeking, or easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love always protects, trusts, hopes and it always PERSEVERES.” (1Cor13) Love is the one thing that the Bible says never fails. Because He is love and He never fails.

This does not come naturally to us. When life gets hard...it is our natural inclination to do the exact opposite of this. We get REALLY impatient. We get short with others and treat them badly. We look at the lives of others and long for the lack of chaos we see in their lives and maybe even get a little upset that they have it so easy. We get really focused on ourselves and our own pain and forget that others have needs and troubles too. We get angry and we list to God and others all the injustices we perceive in our lives—how we've been wronged. We complain and despair and want to give up. But God has not called us to this kind of life! If we want to triumph...we must rise up! We must see our trials as an opportunity to be more like Christ who suffered many things FOR ME. Who sacrificed his own comfort for MY sin. Who forgave MY utter depravity just because.

I may not always act rightly but I cannot just give up and let the pain be wasted. These are exactly the times in which we have the GREATEST opportunity to be molded into Christ's image! Peter writes about this and reminds us that “since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same mind...rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you also may be glad with exceeding joy.” (1Pet4)

Bad things...suffering...tragedy...other people's sin...death...illness are not things God wants for us but when they happen I know that they are the struggles that He (in his Divine understanding) has allowed in my life and therefore...if He has allowed it...it serves a higher purpose and I must take the perspective that good can and will come from it.

Even in my hardest moments, I want to be like King David who sang, “Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord...I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I do hope” (Ps130) “My eyes are upon You, O God the Lord; In You I take Refuge” (Ps141) “My flesh and my heart may fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Ps73) I want to strive toward and live out what James admonishes us to. “Be patient until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand...we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord—that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.” (Jms5)

New life...

Spring has sprung and, with it, all the signs of new emerging life.

And I am gently reminded that had things played out differently I would be close to welcoming my fourth child into the world.  Instead I stare at his/her makeshift grave and mourn what could have been and yet rejoice with a God who makes the flowers grow and who holds my child in His hand, knowing that nothing is lost that is in Him.

Miscarriage...it's hard to describe the emotional backlash that it has had on my view of life.  I know that before, I would feel sad for those who went through one...but I was so entrenched in my happy naive world that the truth of what it meant didn't touch me.  Maybe part of that was simply my youth and relative lack of genuine suffering in life.   But now, moving forward after having endured loss in this way, I am more aware than ever of the fragility of life. 

Fear of loss of any kind had started creeping into my life before this, as I watched young & old alike suffer and die in unexpected and unfair ways.  But since I lost my pregnancy in October, an awareness beyond what is helpful, of all the ways loss & suffering can touch lives, has become an unwanted companion of which I have been struggling to break free.

The Bible teaches that although in this world we will have trouble, we should take heart; we should rejoice, we should have hope...because Jesus has overcome the world and all its troubles.  Death has lost its sting.  This doesn't make suffering or loss any more welcome or pain-free but the truth is, it does take away the sting to know that all this is temporary and "unworthy to be compared to the glory to be revealed"  It is healing to know that "all things work together for good" and that God has a plan for my life even in the hard things.

In February, I found out that I was pregnant again.  Joy was not my first emotion.  My first emotion was Fear.  Wariness.  Cynicism. I had an attitude of..."just because I'm pregnant now, doesn't mean it will last"  I wanted to be be happy; I wanted to feel excitement and hope; but instead I mostly felt numb.  I didn't want to tell anyone about it.  With Eden, the pee stick wasn't even dry before I began telling my family... but this time, I just wanted to pretend that I wasn't pregnant at all...as if that would protect me from hurt, if I were to miscarry again.   I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want to talk about it.  There were just too many emotions mixed up in the topic.  I wanted to hope...but knowing I was pregnant did not transfer to envisioning a baby in my arms.  I couldn't imagine myself holding this baby.  I wouldn't let myself.

At 8 weeks, 2 days,  (1 day past when my last baby stopped growing) I had an ultrasound... Oh the anxiety!  The ultrasound showed a healthy baby measuring 9 weeks gestation.  I felt relief but not assurance.  I still felt it was too early to get my hopes up too high.  My baby was still growing with a sweet little beating heart (and measuring 5 days bigger!) but I still couldn't bear the thought of talking about it.  "Too soon, too soon" was the sad beat of my heart.  I had to make it through the first trimester...THEN I would be okay.

At 13 weeks, I went to my next appointment, anxious to hear that sweet sound of a heartbeat that had been absent in my last baby...and there is was.  The way it played out...with the midwife yammering about a past vacation while finding the heartbeat...made it a rather anticlimactic event...but it was there and again, I felt a wave of relief.

That was two weeks ago and I am pleased that I am beginning to feel more secure in this pregnancy.  We told our families, including our girls.  I am beginning to notice the expansion of my middle and I have finally allowed myself to start looking at baby name books and maternity clothes.  But to say that the fear and anxiety have left...would be a lie.  Every ache, makes my heart twinge with fear.  And although my fear of miscarriage has let up, I have now been warding off fears of deformity & illness and all the other things that can go wrong with babies & pregnancy in this fallen world.  Oh fragility!

I must pray daily against these spirits of fear & worry.  I know deep in my soul that my God reigns and that His desire is that we love deeply and live fully.  And that fear & anxiety hold me back from those things...but my flesh is so, so weak. 

Symphony of Creation

I'm Back from my Mountain Retreat...

...and it was AMAZING!  It was a wonderful way to spend my birthday.

"God does not want to overwhelm us with His power. 

He wants to overwhelm us with His love." 

I don't even know what to say or where to begin.  To be in the mountains with hundreds of woman from all over the world, allowing Jesus to speak to our souls...wow!   The mountains were gorgeous. The teaching was rich, palatable & heart changing.  There were times of quiet introspection & times of boisterous fun.  The meals were filled with good food,  female chit-chat, and heart-to-heart sharing.  The schedule was on a need to know basis and they deliberately did not give us a written agenda.  Because as woman we sometimes become a little too caught up in our lists & schedules and they wanted to free us from that a little bit.  We also had several hours of free time every afternoon so we could do whatever we wanted.

"We have been wounded into believing terrible things about ourselves."

Stasi Eldredge led most of the sessions.  She talked about the core desires of a woman's heart, about the Great Romance that is Christianity.  She talked about the importance of the father-child relationship & mother-child relationship and the wounds we suffer when those relationships are not ideal.  She talked about the agreement we make with the enemy by believing lies about ourselves and the importance of breaking those agreements in order to heal and find freedom.  We spent a lot of time between sessions, just being quiet so we could let God show us our wounds, reveal the lies we've believed, and let Him tell us how He sees us.  We spend time in prayer; we sang praises to Him; we took communion.  The Spirit was moving among us!

"Agreeing with a lie separates us from the Truth."

The free times were spent in so many ways.  There was snow shoeing, tubing, hot-tubbing, napping, reading, jewelry making, coffee drinking, etc.  I spent the first afternoon wandering the campus and then reading my book.  The second day I wanted to go snowshoeing but they sold out before I got there.  Instead I made myself a bracelet and then I decided to brave the trail without snowshoes.  I was so glad I did!  As long as I stayed on the trail I was fine. However if I stepped off...I sank into the snow up to my waist!  I enjoyed the beauty of nature with my camera.

"We get our identity from our fathers.  

We get our self-worth from our mothers."

For me the retreat revealed how I have let the enemy talk me into believing that I am a boring, uninteresting person who has nothing worth offering others.  I was surprised how much pain was associated with this idea.  I was also surprised to discover how much healing has already taken place in me over the past 10 years and how blessed I truly am to have the parents I have.  So many of the women at this retreat had such deep pain associated with their parents...it really amplified the blessing my parents are.  They certainly aren't perfect and they have hurt me but there is no lasting sting...because of how God has worked in their lives and how often they tell me they love me and how quick they are to say they're sorry.

"Loving Jesus is the natural response to knowing Him."

  

"Safety is not the absence of danger but the presence of Jesus."

One of the coolest things for me was the pictures Jesus showed me several times through out the weekend of He & I dancing together.  He is my father, my lover & my friend.  Experiencing Him is such a powerful, personal thing that is hard to explain to others later.  But there is no question that I did.  He spoke to me, He danced with me, He embraced me.  The praise & worship time of singing & communion was my favorite.  I felt so loved and so free!

I am so glad I went and I sincerely recommend this Captivating retreat to all the women reading this and I encourage the men to attend the Wild at Heart Boot Camp as well.  It is spiritually cleansing...so worth it! 

"The battle is fierce, the danger is real, and you are desperately needed."

Fear in a fallen world

For the last few years I have really struggled with fear.  I knew that it wasn't right.  I wanted to be able to sit back and trust God and know that no matter what happened, it would be okay.  But I couldn't.  I would think about all the "what ifs" that could devastate my life and let them have power over me.   The world is filled with tragedy and sickness and perversion.  People die in horrible unexpected ways.  People fight and get divorced just because.  People are abused and mistreated.  People fight & suffer with diseases just to die anyway.  And all this bad stuff is no respecter of persons.  Just as it is written in Matthew, it rains on the just as well as the unjust.    "Nice" people as well as "cruel" people.  Christians as well as non-Christians.  The fallenness of this world is overwhelming and I was always wondering, "when is it going to happen to me?".   

I have led a pretty sweet life.  I grew up in a family who loved me, within miles of all four of my grandparents, as well as aunts, uncles, & cousins.  Divorce has only touched my life through friends and distant relatives.  Abuse is something I've only read about.  I was healthy, smart & well-liked.  I never had to fight physical limitations.  I've never tried to overcome a learning disability.  I've never dealt with bullies.  I became a Christian at a young age and as a young person was blessed with a hope & faith that freed me from care. I attended college, made some great friends, and suffered only the minor hurts of disappointment.  As a 31 year old woman, I am amazingly blessed.  I live in a nice warm home with my loving, hard working husband; I have 3 healthy, smart & beautiful little girls.  And over the course of adulthood, rather than focusing on what a blessing this life is and enjoying every moment, I began to feel like it is too good to last and that I needed to be on the alert because any day the proverbial "other shoe" could drop.

Then I had the miscarriage.  As far as tragedies go, I would rate it low.  But it was a loss, none the less, and it brought me to a place with God of asking the ever present question of this fallen world, "why?"  Why do some prayers get answered with miracles and some don't.  Why did that young Christian mother have to die of cancer while the 80 year old man who abused his children lives on?  Why did that vehicle hit that patch of ice?  Why did that couple give up after 18 years of marriage?

And the fact is...God has an answer.  It just often isn't the answer we want to hear.  What I have been learning is that in this mess of a world that was made messy by our own hand, God owes us nothing but he has given us everything.  If He were to step back from us...we would all die.  Our question more appropriately should be, "Why was I allowed such moments of joy?  Why was that person who died of cancer allowed that extra time to say goodbye?  Why was I allowed the blessing of motherhood?  Why am I blessed with an abundance of food & water to care for me and my family?  In a fallen world, the norm should be pain not joy; death not life but because of His provision we get the good with the bad. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."   Romans 8:28

As Christians, this is our go-to verse in times of suffering.  It is a promise we hold on to because we don't always see the good.  We don't always feel as if anything good is or could ever come from the experience.  But through this promise we know differently.  This is where it has been helpful for me to look at the life of Joseph in Genesis.  He was beaten & sold into slavery by his own brothers.  Pretty bad...but there is, first of all, a blessing in the the fact that he wasn't dead because they had planned to kill him.  Then he gets to Egypt and is a slave...he is falsely accused of attempted rape and is thrown into prison.  He was in prison A LONG TIME.  Years.  I'll bet it wouldn't feel like a blessing.  But if he hadn't been in prison he wouldn't have had the opportunity to interpret the dreams of the pharoh's servants and therefore the dreams of the pharoh himself.  And if he hadn't done that, he wouldn't have had the opportunity to prepare for the famine and the nation and he and his entire family would have starved to death!  God worked it for good in the end.  I beleive that he is doing the same in our lives even in pain and death.

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a beautiful Christian lady who had been fighting cancer for 30 years.  I didn't know her well, only having met her a couple of times, but it didn't take much to see that she knew what mattered in life; that she was someone special.  At the funeral I sat in the back of the church with my girls and listened to the officiant.  He quoted Ecclesiastes 3:4 that says, "there is a time to mourn and a time to dance" and he talked about how we mourn the fact that we will never get to enjoy her here on earth again and remarked how she is dancing in heaven.  That made me smile through my tears.  We get so caught up in the pain & loss of this world that sometimes we consider God's orchestration in it all to be either irrelevant or cruel and we consider tossing Him out.  But that would be to toss our greatest asset in all this suffering!

I started this post talking about my battle with fear.  The ironic thing is that it took a loss, a taste of suffering, to remove it.  Through my miscarriage I learned, more tangibly, that I have no control.  And fear does nothing to prevent anything.  But more importantly I learned that God is the only solid foundation for dealing with the pains of this world.  He is the only place to find hope amidst all the ugliness that this life doles out.  Even if we are never allowed an understanding of the "whys", we can rest in knowing that He does and that when we or those we love die in this battle, they are dancing with Life in a world that knows no suffering.  And that assurance helps ease the fear.

Being Grateful for...Pastors

Last night, I was thinking about thanksgiving and what it means to be thankful.  Those thoughts are a whole other post all their own, but as I was contemplating some of the things I am thankful for, I thought about my spiritual life and all the different people who have contributed along the way and all the different congregations I have been a part of in my life and how grateful I am for all those pastors and their wives who heeded the call to ministry and, as a result, are a part of my spiritual makeup and my story.  As I thought about all these different men and all these different congregations, I felt that it was important for me to honor them in this way.

"Remember your leaders who first taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and trust the Lord as they do." Hebrews 13:7 (New Living Translation)

Reverend Rudy Sauter was the first to touch my life, as he was the pastor of the Crawford Nazarene Church where my parents attended when I was born.  He & his wife Lois were pivotal in bringing several members of my family to the Savior.  Lois was a very special lady who led a Bible study in my grandparents home every week.  And Rudy was the one who dedicated me as a baby.  He has since gone on to live with the Lord but he no doubt holds a special place in the hearts of countless believers (including my parents) who are doing God's work today.

There were several pastors who served at Crawford Nazarene Church during my childhood.  There were the Darlings, the Runyans, & the Phlegers who all had a role in my spiritual development.  When I was a young teenager, Pastor Lee Eads and his wife Sherri moved into the parsonage of the New Hope Church of the Nazarene.  Pastor Eads served as pastor there for around ten years during one of the most formative times of my spiritual life.  He was young and nice and was unintimidating.  During my college years when I would be back home from college and attend church with my parents I enjoyed the discussions that happened at the adult Sunday school class.  Pastor Lee officiated at my brother's wedding & my great grandmother's funeral and Russ & I asked him to say the meal prayer at our wedding reception. 

In 1998, I started college.  It was at this time that I really found an excitement for Jesus.  I attended Ridgeview Bible Baptist for awhile...and watched one of my best friends get baptized there but after a bit I started going to the Chadron Berean Church and that is where I found a home under Pastor Dan Williams & his wife Dee.  For five years, I grew in the word thanks to the weekly teachings of Pastor Dan and felt like a part of a church family thanks to the community of believers at Chadron Berean who have a gift for taking college students under their wings and making them feel at home.  I met my future sister-in-law for the first time at Chadron Berean and Russ & I were so pleased to have Pastor Dan be the one to unite us in our marriage covenant.  Pastor Dan & Dee have recently moved on to bless a new congregation.  A bittersweet end for those who love them so dearly in Chadron.

Before I met Russ, I took an internship in Rapid City, SD for several months in 2002.  While I was there I was led to attend a young singles bible study group at Calvary Baptist Church.  The friends I met there were some of the best people you can imagine.  I began attended regular Sunday services.  The pastor was the father (and future father-in-law) to some of my bible study friends.  Pastor Steve Evans was a phenomenal musician and had a gift for leading the congregation to a spirit of worship.  One of the things I learned while at Calvary Baptist is the joy & power of literally going to your knees in prayer & worship before the Father.  I had never had that experience before, but at Calvary there was always the opportunity to just go to the alter and pray just because you felt like it and I loved the intimacy & vulnerability that this brought to my relationship with Jesus.

A year after Russ & I got married, he got a job in Colorado Springs.  Not long after we moved there we began looking for a church.  The third church we tried was Grace Bible Church which was just blocks away from our home (a rarity in the city) and we loved it there and felt right at home.  Right away we were introduced to Pastor Jeff Anderson & his wife Nancy.  It was quite an interesting experience for me to talk to him at my 4 feet, eleven inches with his height being well over 6 feet!  Pastor Jeff is one of the most friendly people and you'd be hard pressed to find anyone sweeter than Nancy.  We got involved at Grace Bible right away.  Russ got in the rotation for working the sound board on Sunday mornings and we both volunteered to work with the Awana Cubbies. Even though it was a significantly sized congregation, Pastor Jeff never failed to make us feel valued.  When he would greet us after the service, even with all the distractions and other people needing his attention, his words to us always felt focused and sincere.  It was while attending Grace Bible that Eden was added to our family.  The ladies of Grace Bible threw me a surprise baby shower and it was Pastor Jeff who dedicated Eden to the Lord.  We moved back to Nebraska in 2006 and leaving Grace Bible was one of the saddest parts.

After we moved we spent several months trying out the different churches in the area.  There were a lot of good churches but none that really felt like home to us.  One of Russ' co-workers invited us to a Tuesday night Bible study at a very small storefront church.  We went and really liked it.  I was hesitant however to attend the Sunday service because it was such a small congregation and I knew that it would be harder for my non-social self to function in a smaller environment.  However after resisting for a few weeks Russ finally talked me into going on Sunday morning to Calvary Chapel Scottsbluff.  It was basically what I expected only my reaction was totally different than what I expected.  Somehow it just felt right.  Pastor Kevin Carradine and his wife Lyn and basically everyone at Calvary Chapel were unlike any congregation I'd been a part of before.  It suited us very well at that time.  Services were super casual.  Pastor Kevin would sometimes preach without any shoes and there was nothing strange about it.    The thing we liked best, though, was Pastor Kevin's style of teaching.   There was no frills, no schemes, no pretense.  He just picked a book of the Bible and would teach it verse by verse.  When the time ran out, he'd just stop and he'd pick up where he left off the next week.  He never preached morality at us...instead he just taught us the Word and let it do its work in us.  I adored this simple, systematic approach!  Because it was such a small congregation, we all got to know each other pretty well.  And there was plenty of opportunities to spend time together.  Since pastor Kevin is of Jewish heritage one of the cool things that they did at Calvary Chapel was have a Passover Seder.  While we were there, they started up a local low frequency radio station that broadcast sermons and kept the men busy.   But one of the special things about Pastor Kevin & Lyn is the openness of their home.  Almost every Sunday, people from the church were welcome to have lunch with them and then stay to play games all afternoon but there was never any pressure.  It gave ample opportunity for the regulars to become very familiar with each other and to develop varying levels of friendships within the group.

Another congregation & pastor worth mentioning is Chadron Community Church and Pastor Dominick Warne & his wife Loralie.  When Pastor D came to the Chadron AG church a few years ago, it wasn't long before my entire family were regulars.  My brother's family already attended CCC before the Warnes arrived but when they took over, a new life was breathed into this congregation and my parent's & sister quickly discovered that it was the home for them, as well.  Since Russ & I live 2 hours away, we can't be considered "regulars" but this is definitely my church home away from home.  When I walk in the door, I immediately sense the Spirit of God there.  The people at CCC are a very diverse family and there is no mistaking the love among them that they are ready & willing to extend to anyone.   Pastor D brings a straight-talking evangelistic-style of preaching that is biblical and is relevant for both the believing and the seeking.  He & Loralie also brought vision to the congregation and serve in leading them to be light within the community.  Pastor D is also talented musically and has allowed God to use that in setting the tone for community worship.  I always look forward to Sunday services at CCC with excitement when I have the opportunity.  God is clearly at work among the people there and Pastor D & Loralie are certainly playing a part.

Finally, I must show appreciation for the pastor who is leading me into my next phase.  Pastor Bruce Peterson of Grace Chapel.  We had been jumping around a bit again over the last year or so hoping to find a place with the same special qualities as CCC.  We finally realized that there were many great congrgations but none that were obviously speaking to our hearts above any of the others.  We narrowed our choices down to two and finally just decided to go to Grace Chapel.  After making that decision, God has been revealing himself to me in obvious ways and using Pastor Bruce's sermons to hit home the things He is teaching me.  We have only been attending regularly for a couple months now but I can see already that we are going to be right at home at Grace and am excited to get to know Pastor Bruce & his wife Sally better as God leads us to our role in this new congregation.

If my experiences have collectively taught me something, it is that God's giftings & callings come in a variety of forms and that the body of Christ should be unified.  Denominations are just a way of accommodating different styles and although they may differ in opinion on some issues and stress differing aspects of the Christian life, they all serve the same Lord.  In my journey I have attended  Nazarene, Baptist, Berean, Calvary Chapel, Bible Churches, Church of Christ, Congregational, and Assembly of God,  as well as non-denominational varieties.  At every place, the Bible was of utmost importance, the love of Christ was evident,  and there was a heartfelt desire to live for His glory.  Nothing else matters...we are one in Him. 

I have been blessed to have had so many wonderful people of God touch my life. This list doesn't even cover all the pastors and churches that I have learned from (such as Willie Coop and David & Karalyn Kennedy) .  It doesn't include all the pastors that have blessed me through friendship (Such as Daniel & Shelley Feister and Jim & Connie Sponable).  It doesn't include those who serve through student ministry (Such as Ruel Danner, Rick Demerest and Shawn & Jodi Bahnzaf).  It doesn't include all the associate pastors, bible study leaders, & others who have affect my life through ministry.  But I am grateful for what all of them do as well.  Full-time ministry is a sacrificial profession that requires more than a person can give on their own but the people who do it and rely on Christ's provision so they can do it--they deserve our thanks; they deserve our appreciation.  And I wanted to take a moment to reflect on how a few of those people have blessed me in my spiritual journey and say, "Thank you."

"Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you." 2 Corinthians 9:13-14 (NIV)

"And now, friends, we ask you to honor those leaders who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience. Overwhelm them with appreciation and love." 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 (The Message)

Stepping out of the Boat

I recently read the passage in Matthew 14 about when Jesus walked on the water.  He sent his disciples ahead of him in the boat while he went up on the mountain to pray.  By the time he's finished, the boat was a "considerable distance" from shore because of the wind.  No big deal...Jesus just walks on out to them.

Meanwhile, back in the boat, the disciples look out and see this figure coming toward them over the water and freak out...thinking its a ghost!  Jesus reassures them, "Hey, it's me.  You don't need to be afraid."  Now here is where the story gets really interesting, in my opinion.   Peter (wonderful, impulsive Peter) says, "If it's you, then tell me to come."  (I don't see how Jesus telling him to come proves it's him.  Seems to me just the kind of thing a ghost would want you to do...jump in rough waters in the middle of the night and drown!...but I digress.)  Anyway, so Jesus invites Peter to come and the passage says, "Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus."  (vs.29)  Wow!  But it didn't take long and Peter remembered that this was craziness!  "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord save me!" (vs.30)  As soon as he looked around (took his eyes off Jesus) and let his mind evaluate his situation, he gave his faith over to fear and began to sink.  Bummer.  Jesus immediately catches Peter and says, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" (vs.31)

This is the part of the story that bothered me.  Jesus seems so critical of Peter.  I look at this story and think..."Hey, at least Peter had enough faith to get out of the boat!  He even took several steps!  It seems to me his faith is admirable."  It just bothered me that Jesus seemed to focus on his moment of doubt rather than his moment of faith.  Especially considering how all the others just stood in the boat and watched.

I pondered a while and asked for some insight into this.  One of the answers I got was how Jesus is not interested in the comparison game.  My faith walk is not a contest between me and others.  We each have our own road to walk and our own unique tests of faith and mine is not going to look the same as someone else's.  Peter's is not going to be the same as John's.  We cannot let another person's successes or failures taint our view of our own growth.  In that moment, it was Peter who was stepping out in faith and therefore it was Peter who needed the Lord's words.  Jesus needed Peter to see that his doubt was misplaced.  In faith, Peter had miraculously walked on water!   Jesus was with him...but Peter let his mind trick his emotions and he let his emotions steal his faith.  He didn't have to sink at all!  But when he did...as we (I) so often do/will Jesus was right there to catch him and speak to him in truth.  :)

Another thing the Spirit showed me is this...When Jesus & Peter made it back to the boat and got on, Jesus' peace immediately came (no wind) and those on the boat who witnessed this whole thing all  "worshiped him" (vs.33)  It is a blessing to see a miracle from a distance and will lead to change and worship in those on the sidelines watching Jesus work around them. Even those who stayed on the boat were blessed by what had happened.   How much better should it be for Peter!  Not only did Peter get to witness a miracle of Jesus,  he also got to participate in the miracle, even if just for a moment!

I dare say that I am tired of just being a boat believer.  I want to be more like Peter.  I would rather step out of the boat in faith and walk with Jesus on the water for a moment and then sink...than to never step out of the boat at all!

And maybe...the next time Jesus invites me to step out in faith, I'll be able to make it a little farther before Jesus has to catch me and remind me not to doubt.

Looking forward in faith to an "unknown" known future

This week has been one of the most life-changing weeks of my 31 years.  Jesus has reached out to me and has taken me into His loving arms and has called me to a new future.  He has been systematically renewing my mind and giving me His eyes of faith as I look beyond my natural circumstances.  He walked me through distress to a place of love. And from love to hope.  And from hope to faith!  He has been watering my soul to receive a miracle.

I have learned to not let the world dictate my future but to look only to Jesus for the truth of my future.  I have learned that opening my life and allowing myself to be vulnerable to my family of believers is a blessing and not a curse.  I have learned that it is okay to hope.  In my adult life, I have allowed myself to believe that to hope is to risk looking a fool. But this week, Christ has taught me that to have hope is to build a foundation for faith. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for.." (Hebrews 11:1)  Plus, God delights in using "the foolish things of the world to confound the wise." (1 Corinthians 1:27)  and as David proclaimed, "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." (2 Samuel 6:22) for the sake of an uncompromising faith in Christ's goodness!

I have learned this week that God is "the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." (Romans 4:17) and that this is what it means to step out in faith.  To the Almighty, there is no "future tense".  My future is not "unknown" to Christ and He does not care what the world "knows" or presents as evidence because He see things as they are meant to be and calls them as such and He only requires that we trust Him for the Truth and not the world.  For example, in the story of Jairus' daughter, Jesus is on his way with Jairus to visit her when a person meets them and tells them not to bother any more because the girl had died. (assuming it was too late for Jesus to help.)  But Jesus is not shaken and when He gets there and sees all the people mourning He says to them, "'Stop wailing,'...'She is not dead but asleep'  They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead.  But he took her by the hand and said, "Child get up!"  Her spirit returned and at once she stood up." (Luke 8:52-56)    In this passage Jesus both "gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were."  He told the mourners "She is not dead." when, in fact, she was... temporarily.  Since Jesus knows the future, from His perspective the girl was as good as alive.  The current situation...all the natural evidence...it was all completely irrelevant to Jesus.  And I have learned that this is what it means to step out in faith.  It means that we can speak a truth that is outside the realm of the present circumstances.  Faith is being "certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)   And I have learned this week that if I truly believe that Jesus is all the things the Bible says He is then I must step out the way He asks me to and just trust in Him and in His goodness and in His power, and in His love.

He has reminded me this week that He is capable of the impossible.  A God of miracles!  "What is impossible with men is possible with God." (Luke 18:27)  He has reminded me that He is willing and all we need to do is ask. (Mark 1:41) and (Luke 18:1-8).  He has reminded me that "the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) and that he is a thief that "comes only to steal and kill and destroy;" but that Christ has come that I "may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

I think that although I gave my life to Christ as a child and in spite of the fact that I have attended so many wonderful Bible-based Christian churches my whole adult life, I have not given myself fully to the grace of God.  I have believed that I have an obligation to live a certain way in order to be deserving of God's blessings and therefore, it is hard to get past my failures to have faith that Christ will do for me what I know He can.  But Romans 4 makes it clear that blessings come only through faith and not by the law.  Believing that I had to do something in order to access God's miracles took the power from my faith.  This week, through Christ's unfailing faith and my new understanding of grace, I have a renewed spirit!  "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7)

This week of spiritual revival has come to me because of a specific circumstance in my life.  Tomorrow is the day in which my faith is tested before the world.  Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.  I am standing in confidence in "him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," (Ephesians 3:20)  and I am believing for a miracle.    Pray for me as I walk this walk of faith into my "unknown" known future!

Helping spread awareness...

Recently a huge portion of my friends on Facebook have been changing their profile pictures to that of a classic cartoon with the following message:   "Change your FB profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood. The goal? To not see a human face on FB till Monday, December 6th. Join the fight against CHILD ABUSE. Copy & paste to your status to invite your friends to do the same."   My first thought was, 'How is changing my profile picture going to prevent child abuse?"   Same goes for all those people who "like" the group "Turn Facebook Pink For 1 Week."  Seriously, what good is that going to do?   But I get it.  That isn't the point.  The purpose of such campaigns is to raise awareness.

I am kind of a cynical person.  I'm not necessarily proud of that but...it is what it is.  As such I have a lot of societal pet peeves.  And one of them happens to be the trend of  "spreading awareness."  I think people already are "aware" that millions of women are diagnosed with breast cancer.  I think people are already "aware" that thousands of woman & children are abused every day.  I think it is pretty impossible that people are unaware of the fact that we live in a world in which we are surrounded by evils--disease, abuse, war, corruption, depression, death, general badness.  I am quite aware of it.  Yet, so what? Are we doing anything about it?  Do we care? I don't think so.

I think awareness campaigns are a joke.  They are a way of making people feel like they are doing something good without causing any real change.  And for many of us...they breed cynics like me because of our lack of FAITH in the systems that are promoting them. 

Now don't get me wrong...I know all the arguments for awareness.  And I agree with the sentiments behind some of them.  I agree with the idea of spreading knowledge.  Without knowledge there won't be change.  I think that it is important that people know the truth about things.  People need to spread TRUTH. (Although what that means has become awfully fuzzy to some people these days.)  And I agree with the idea of fostering & showing support to those dealing with these hardships.  Without support many individuals are left feeling hopeless and unloved.  People need to spread HOPE.  People need to spread LOVE.  But awareness?  Pshh.  What good does that do.  

We don't need to spread awareness.  (Especially with silly things like facebook profile pictures--which from a practical sense are totally useless.)  What we need to spread is TRUTH, FAITH, HOPE & LOVE.  These are things that can affect real change and make a real difference.  If people spread TRUTH than people may start having FAITH again in our ability to actually make a difference.  And if people had FAITH that a difference was or could be made then those who suffer would begin to have real HOPE that they wouldn't have to suffer forever.  And if people got involved and had the truth, faith & hope then people would again begin to show real compassion, charity and LOVE.  And it is really the lack of LOVE that is tearing our society apart...certainly not the lack of awareness.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  (1 Peter 4:8)

And I say this as a person who really struggles in this area.  In many ways I have tried to avoid getting too close to any suffering so I can avoid the overwhelming sense of hurt that these situations cause my heart...because I don't want to feel compelled to do something because I don't think I can really do any good anyway.  I guess you could say that my cynical heart suffers from a serious HOPE deficiency.  At least when it comes to the ways of the world.

"A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save." Psalm 33:17

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." (Psalm 31:34)

I suppose this really says something about my current spiritual condition.  I know the ultimate TRUTH, and I have the ultimate FAITH which produces the ultimate HOPE but I so easily let myself be bogged down by the LIES, TREACHERY & DESPAIR of the world and it blinds me to what living in Christ's authority really means.  

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."  (1 Corinthians13: 12-13)

I guess what I'm saying is that it may be fun to post a picture of Strawberry Shortcake on Facebook and to show others that you are morally against abuse...but don't forget that this is not the same as really helping those who really suffer.  And I pray that I, too,  may learn to view the world with more compassion and to become acutely AWARE of how powerful my position and HOPE in the LORD JESUS CHRIST really is.

Just a stream of thoughts...

Not much has been happening on my blog this month.  The summer has been busy & hot and I just simply have not felt like putting effort into it.  July zipped by.  Spent the fourth with family; went to Hill's Alive Christian music festival mid-month for vacation.  Took the kids to Mt. Rushmore, Reptile Gardens & Cosmos.  Got to see Sanctus Real; BarlowGirl & Newsboys.  Made small talk with Jars of Clay on the elevator at the hotel.  Had fun with my family.  This week I have been preoccupied with planning my sister's bridal shower.  I did a photo shoot on Saturday evening and earlier met with a couple who asked me to take photos at their wedding which is coming up next week.  Also, I finally got my curriculum ordered so I can start homeschooling Eden soon.   Just busy.  

There is just so much going on with wedding stuff, photography stuff, homeschool stuff and my anniversary.  Stuff, stuff, stuff.  I only have one free weekend between now and my sister's wedding in October. I am excited about all this "stuff" but at the same time it can seem a bit overwhelming if I think about it all at once.  I was planning on starting Eden's school schedule a month from now but I'm wondering if it would be better if I just waited until Oct when I can really concentrate on it.  I suspect she'll breeze right through it anyway.  I guess I'll decide after I've had a chance to look through the material.

Acacia is 10 months old now.  Hard to believe how soon we'll be celebrating her first birthday.  She is a proficient crawler.  She pulls herself up to things.  Will attempt to walk if we're holding her hands but doesn't seem too anxious to try that quite yet.  She still doesn't have any teeth and isn't the talker my other girls were.  By the time Eden was this age she was communicating with us very well.  Acacia is content to just say 'daddy'.  She doesn't even babble that much.  She is a happy, alert little gal though.  She is an eater.  I've been feeding her several jars of baby food a day and am still nursing every couple hours.  It is so strange though how I have been feeling about nursing lately.  I nursed Eden until she was 14 months old.  I weaned her before I was really ready because I needed to go on a trip without her and my parents wouldn't babysit unless she was weaned.  I was always kind of sad that I quit before I was ready.  With Jasmine I nursed her until she was 16 months old and that was about a month longer than I wanted to.  With Acacia...I'm just not enjoying it like I did before.  I am already ready to quit (but won't until she doesn't need it anymore...no formula for me).  I think I am just too busy & distracted.  At bedtime when I nurse her I love it...I soak her up but during the day I just can't seem to mentally slow down enough to appreciate the experience.  She is a fine nurser but she has a bad habit of scratching the dickens out of my chest, pulling my hair and kicking me in the face.  Plus whenever the other kids are around she is easily distracted by them and therefore does the suck, release, suck, release business that gets everybody wet. 

Spiritually I feel like I am in a dry spell.  I haven't been putting much effort into my relationship with God.  I pray superficially throughout the day and let my heart sing along to my worship music but I haven't been studying the Word, I haven't been making it to Bible study or church.  I still love Jesus and seek to please Him, I am just having a hard time summoning up the enthusiasm for fellowship.  I could really use your prayers---WE could really use your prayers in this regard.  For me the desire is there but the motivation is completely lacking. 

I guess this could be said about my life in general right now...I have desire (for God, for accomplishment, for food, for improvement) but I have very little motivation for anything.  I've been blaming it on the temperature but perhaps there is more to it than that?  I don't know.  Anyway...just wanted to get some of this out there in the world and hope that the juices would get to moving. 

Looking for motivation and inspiration.

 

A special couple

We had a friend over last weekend & as we were going over all the details of our in-progress kitchen remodel I remarked that I'd heard that the stress of remodeling can be really hard on a marriage but that we've had nearly no conflict during these very crazy past two months in which we have not only tore out our entire kitchen but also endured the last 4 weeks of pregnancy, given birth & then endured the first month home with the new baby & two small children. (If anything, we've gotten along even better.) At this our friend remarked with conviction, "Well, you guys are a special couple."

This casual comment really got me thinking. I have come to see that Russ & I really are a special couple and we come from backgrounds that are abundant with special couples-- making us pretty unique in our generation. I had very little exposure to fractured and/or unhealthy relationships growing up. My parents fought, as all couples do, but the authenticity of their love or the strength of their commitment was never a question, and now after 31 years of marriage they have a connection, love & understanding in their relationship that is enviable. Recently, however, now that I can see the world that exists outside of my family, I have been deeply distressed & heartbroken as marriages crumble around me. The thing is, that although divorce, betrayal & the like have always bothered me, in my mind they were always relegated to the realm of the lost. But lately so many of the people in my circles who are dealing with the tragedy of a broken marriage are Christians who I identify with or have admired. I ache for them and have been left questioning the steadfastness of my marriage. If it can happen to them...could it happen to me? But I keep coming back to the same conclusion that our friend so kindly pointed out; we are special. Things happen and life could throw us some pretty big curves in the future, but I have faith that we can make it through stronger. I believe this for several reasons. First of all (and most importantly), Russ & I are on the same page when it comes to our relationship with Christ. Everything else depends upon this. It is so important for single Christians to not undervalue the importance of choosing a mate with whom they have a strong spiritual commonality. Secondly, we both have a reverence to commitment. We respect each other; we communicate freely; we forgive & forget; and we take time to show love to each other. If we continue with these priorities I know that our marriage will continue to be great!

Chatting with Russ on that evening back in Sept 2002 when we first met, I had no idea that he would be THE guy. But when we started dating a month later, it became clear very quickly. And here we are 7 years later, married with 3 beautiful children and really just beginning our lives together. My hope is that we continue growing together with, for and in God and that when we are older, living together in an empty nest, we will have the bond & love that we see in those other "special couples", our parents & grandparents, who introduced us to Jesus and showed us that marriages can live happily ever after!

"There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage"
-- Martin Luther

'Voice of Truth'

One of the songs that has recently really spoken to me & resonated with my spirit is the Casting Crowns song, "Voice of Truth" The lyrics are the song of my heart. Wish I were better at listening to the voice of truth instead of the waves & the giants.

Voice of Truth
by Casting Crowns

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth

What once was lost...

Over a year ago...February of 2008, I lost my wedding/engagement ring. The ring that Russ slipped on my finger while we said our vows was gone. The ring that contained Russ' grandmother's diamond was gone. The ring that I had chosen to represent my commitment to Russ & his to me was gone. I was so upset! I kept hoping it would turn up but after several months of tearing the house apart, I got discouraged & bought a replacement. Over the past year & a half I have sent many prayers up to my All-Seeing Father knowing that He could bring my ring back to me and hoping that He would. My eyes have periodically been on the look out for the miracle of my ring's return. Today God returned my ring to me!!

I was going through boxes of junk and pricing them for an upcoming yard sale. One box in particular I had put off going through due to the random nature of its contents but at long last I got to it and when I reached the bottom I was amazed to see it glistening up at me. It took several seconds for it to register what I was seeing but when it finally hit me and I was holding my long lost ring between my fingers, I jumped up with a screech, grabbed the phone & ran up the stairs while dialing Russ' cell! I was so excited to tell him the news! He, too, rejoiced with me. He mentioned it being a bit like the parable of the lost coin.

"Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." NIV

I am excited that God answered my prayer...in His time, nonetheless. And it serves to remind me that some of the people who are I particularly & continuously bring up to Him in prayer for the salvation of their souls may be lost for now...but in God's time they too will be found (perhaps in an unexpected place) and there will be an even greater amount of rejoicing over their being found!

Thank you God for recovering lost treasures! I rejoice over finding my precious wedding ring...please let me one day soon rejoice over the repentance of those I love & pray for. Amen!

Snow White

Once upon a time....

There was a beautiful, innocent girl. Out of pride & jealousy, the evil queen tricked her into eating poisoned fruit. As a result the girl took on a form of death. She remained in this state until the son of the king came to her and through miraculous means restored her to proper life. He then took her as his bride to reside in his father's castle to live happily ever after while the evil queen was banished forever!

What a wonderful story...that most of you will recognize as a simplified version of Snow White. However, the reason I love this story (although I never really liked the Disney version much) is because it is not just a silly fairy tale. It is a true story. It is our story...it is God's love story and we are Snow White.

Because once upon a time (about 6 thousand years ago) God created everything and it was very good. But people were the pinnacle of his creation, his beloved. We were glorious & innocent. Satan was the most beautiful & glorious of all the angels and his heart was filled with pride and he hated humans because they were the most beloved of all God's creation. In his jealousy he purposed to destroy our beauty. He wanted us to die. He came in disguise to the people in the garden and tempted them into eating the fruit that would poison them & cause them to die a spiritual death (& eventually a physical death) One bite from that "forbidden" fruit and we were plunged into a separation from the existence of the True Life of which they had been a part. Satan thought he had won. He had taken our beauty & our life away. But this was not to be the end of the story. The son of the King, Jesus Christ, came to rescue us. Because of His love for us He "kissed the taste of death" (so to speak) right out of our mouth. He overcame death for us and redeemed us to life again. This is where we now exist in this story. But the rest of the story is foretold and it ends very similarly to the story of Snow White. One day...our Prince, Jesus Christ, will take us home with Him to his Father's Castle to be His "snow white" spotless bride. And the Father will banish Satan to the bottomless pit--to be eternally cast out of Life in the Father's Kingdom. And we all will live happily ever after with the King! Amen!

"This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." (2 Timothy 1:9-10) NIV

"But God will redeem my life from the grave;
he will surely take me to himself." (Psalm 49:15) NIV

"When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:54-57) NIV

Huckabee interview with Kathy Ireland

I never really knew much about models, but when I was young Kathy Ireland was always a favorite with me, my brother & cousin. I was very delighted when I recently learned of her faith & her pro-life views. In an interview with Mike Huckabee, she expresses one of the most articulate pro-life arguments I've heard. I thought it was worth sharing.

Watch the Huckabee/Kathy Ireland Interview Here!

"New Again"

Worldview Analysis

I just wanted to share this insightful link with my readers. It is an open letter from Summit Ministries' Chuck Edwards to the Fox News' 'Fox and Friends' morning show concerning their underlying worldviews & assumptions. Their website describes it this way,

"The following is an open letter to the news anchors of Fox and Friends, the morning show on the Fox News cable network. The letter is in response to a report just released that the highest paid university employee in the nation was the football coach at the University of Southern California, Pete Carroll, who received $4.42 million in 2007. The three anchors, Steve, Gretchen, and Brian, discussed whether universities should be paying salaries this high in light of our current economic recession. As I suggest in this open letter, a little "worldview analysis" would have enhanced the discussion and enlightened viewers."

It contains great 'food for thought' while watching any news program. Perhaps we need a little 'worldview analysis' of our own to make sure we're not buying the assumptions they are selling.

Fox and Friends and Free Markets

http://www.summit.org/resources/tc/2009/03/fox-and-friends-and-free-marke.php

Blessings 'revealed by fire'

Last Sunday, Russ & I skipped church to rake & burn our yard. As I watched the pile burn I was reminded of the passage in 1 Corinthians 3 where it speaks of our works being judged by fire.


"If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." (1 Corinthians 3:12-15 NIV)

As I watched how quickly the tumble weeds burned, how the grass clippings smoldered & how the rocks just turned black, I reflected on this passage and prayed that my spiritual works & life will be shown to be built with gold (which only becomes more brilliant when put through fire) and not straw (which quickly & completely disappears when exposed to flame.)

Well, yesterday in church I received additional blessing when I realized that our church had been studying that very passage last Sunday while I was home working in our yard analyzing whether I will receive a reward or suffer loss. How Divine that God would see fit to reach me with the lesson he wanted me to have whether I had chosen to go to church that morning or (as it turned out) not.

It is good to give thanks to the Lord...

"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning, And your faithfulness every night," Psalm 92:1-2 (NKJV)

As a personal challenge to myself I have decided to be more forthright in recognizing & giving thanks for the many blessings in my life. I feel that too often I focus on negatives and thus lose the battle in my mind to triumph in my Christian walk. Therefore I am going to strive to list periodically, things that I praise God for in my life. Today...let the praises begin to flow!

1) I am grateful that I have a marriage that I feel secure in, as so many couples struggle with insecurities.
2) I am grateful to have parents & grandparents who have set a strong example of love & commitment in marriage and have continued to be a source of security in my life.



3) I am grateful for the opportunity to stay at home with my children and watch them blossom every day.
4) I am grateful for Christian friends who love & inspire & challenge me even when we don't get to see each other.

5) I am grateful for finding good books that uplift rather than drag down.

6) I am grateful for the hope that keeps life worth living & the Word that reminds me of that hope even in a world of doubt.

7) I am grateful for sunshine-filled days...and for the cold days that help me appreciate the sunshine days even more.

8) I am grateful for memories. Nothing brings us joy and/or keeps us humble more than our memories.

9) I am grateful for music and how it can express emotions more clearly than anything else I can think of.

10) I am grateful that I am forgiven & loved even in my more ungrateful & unflattering moments.