oriGINAl imaGINAtion

A Mountain Retreat

2012-02-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow I'm headed out of town for a retreat in the mountains of Colorado. Many of you may have read, or at least heard of, the book "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge. Well, I'm attending a 'Captivating Retreat'. And frankly I'm kinda nervous. The details of what the retreat actually entails are absent from the "event details" page and everything has been left pretty vague. For a person who appreciates detailed plans as much as I do...well this in itself leaves me a little apprehensive. But I'm also concerned because it has the potential to be a high-emotion experience, I won't know anyone there, and there will be no contact between me and and my family for 4 days! It's going to be hard to not be able to call Russ up and tell him about my day. It's going to be hard not to know what my girls are doing in my absence. And to top it all off...Friday is my birthday and I won't be able to spend a single moment of it with any person I know.

On the other hand...I am excited! I get to step away from my ordinary life for a few days and enjoy just being me. Not "the wife", not "the mom", just me. And I get the opportunity to meet a variety of woman from all over the country and potentially make new friends. And most importantly, this is a chance for me to just spend some time listening to and enjoying my friend & my savior, Jesus, while taking in the sights of the Colorado Rockies!

I leave tomorrow morning with no idea what to really expect to come of the next few days but I will anticipate beauty, laughter, tears, and irreplaceable God-moments. And while I know I'm going to miss my babies, I must trust that this time away is for a higher purpose and will be worth the minutes I miss at home.

Pray for me this weekend. I'll see you when I get back!

I Heart Faces: "Oh So Silly"

2012-01-31T15:37:00.001-07:00

I Heart Faces: "By the Book"

2012-01-23T23:17:00.001-07:00

I absolutely LOVE books and am an avid reader. When I saw this week's theme I was so excited. But choosing a photo was not easy. I settled on this photo of my daughter "reading" a book to my dad. I love the expression on her face and the relationship you can see between them. Hope you like it too. :)

I Heart Faces: : "Family Fun"

2012-01-16T10:59:00.001-07:00

I Heart Faces: "Best Face Photo of 2011"

2012-01-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

Smile...it's a whole new year!

2012-01-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

Christmas: Take Two (A.k.a. New Years Eve)

2012-01-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

It has become a tradition over the last several years to celebrate Christmas with Russ' family at our house over the New Year's holiday weekend. This year was no exception. His parents, aunt, & sister's family all spent the weekend here, and we had a fun time celebrating Christmas again with them and ringing in the new year!

Books I read in 2011

2012-01-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

61) 'A Heart for Home' by Lauraine Snelling 12/22
60) 'No Distance to Far' by Lauraine Snelling 12/20
59) 'Note of Peril' by Hannah Alexander 12/14
58) 'A Measure of Mercy' by Lauraine Snelling 12/6
57) 'Ereth's Birthday' by Avi 12/2
56) 'Freefall' by Kristen Heitzman 11/8
55) 'Recovering Charles' by Jason F. Wright 11/3
54) 'The Lightkeeper's Daughter' by Colleen Coble 10/20
53) 'Heaven is For Real' by Todd Burpo 10/13
52) 'The Blessed' by Ann H. Gabhart 10/12
51) 'Edge of Eternity' by Randy Alcorn 9/7
50) 'The Help' by Kathryn Stockett 8/25
49) 'Falconer's Quest' by T. Davis Bunn & Isabella Bunn 8/22
48) 'Dancing with My Father' by Sally Clarkson 8/21
47) 'Flabbergasted' by Ray Blackston 8/2
46) 'Bittersweet' by Cathy Marie Hake 7/25
45) 'Candle in the Darkness' by Lynn Austin 6/24
44) 'Water for Elephants' by Sara Gruen 6/12
43) 'The Falcon and the Sparrow' by M.L. Tyndall 6/7
42) 'Soul Surfer' by Bethany Hamilton 6/2
41) 'Sun Stand Still' by Steven Furtick 6/2
40) 'The Light Princess' by George Macdonald (audio) 6/1
39) 'The Last Battle' by C.S. Lewis (audio) 5/23
38) 'The Silver Chair' by C.S. Lewis (audio)
37) 'Health and Wholeness Through the Holy Communion' by Joseph Prince 5/10
36) 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' by C.S. Lewis (audio) 5/8
35) 'At the Scent of Water' by Linda Nichols 4/28
34) 'Prince Caspian' by C.S. Lewis (audio) 4/25
33) 'The Horse and His Boy' by C.S. Lewis (audio) 4/20
32) 'Here's the Story' by Maureen McCormick 4/18
31) 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe' by C.S. Lewis (audio) 4/17
30) 'The Magician's Nephew' by C.S. Lewis (audio) 4/13
29) 'Elyon' by Ted Dekker and Kaci Hill 4/13
28) 'Lunatic' by Ted Dekker and Kaci Hill 4/11
27) 'Chaos' by Ted Dekker 4/8
26) 'Renegade' by Ted Dekker 4/6
25) 'Infidel' by Ted Dekker 4/2
24) 'Chosen' by Ted Dekker 3/31
23) 'Sinner' by Ted Dekker 3/26
22) 'Mostly Harmless' by Douglas Adams (audio) 3/25
21) 'So Long and Thanks for all the Fish" by Douglas Adams (audio) 3/18
20) 'Life, the Universe, and Everything' by Douglas Adams (audio) 3/16
19) 'Saint' by Ted Dekker 3/15
18) 'Showdown' by Ted Dekker 3/10
17) 'The Restaurant at the End of the Universe' by Douglas Adams (audio) 3/10
16) 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' by Douglas Adams (audio) 3/3
15) 'A Touch of Grace' by Lauraine Snelling 3/1
14) 'Hidden Gifts' by Rick Hamlin 2/26
13) 'Sophie's Dilemma' by Lauraine Snelling 2/21
12) 'Whirlwind' by Cathy Marie Hake 2/10
11) 'When God Winks at You' by SQuire Rushnell 2/7
10) 'Green' by Ted Dekker 2/2
9) 'The Chocolate War' by Robert Cormier 1/24
8) 'White' by Ted Dekker 1/20
7) 'Red' by Ted Dekker 1/18
6) 'Black' by Ted Dekker 1/16
5) 'A Constant Heart' by Siri Mitchell 1/12
4) 'The Return of the King' by J.R.R. Tolkien 1/11
3) 'The Two Towers' by J.R.R. Tolkien 1/8
2) 'The Fellowship of the Ring' by J.R.R. Tolkien 1/5
1) 'The Facts of Life and other lessons my Father taught me' by Lisa Whelchel 1/3

My Christmas Gift...

2011-12-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

...from my sweet husband.
I'm looking forward to the next year with the love of my life! :)

Christmas: Take One

2011-12-29T22:55:00.001-07:00

We spent Christmas weekend with my family. The weather was beautiful. We played cards, went sledding, shot bows, ate food, played, lived, loved! Here are a few shots from the weekend...

Merry Christmas...

2011-12-24T05:59:00.000-07:00

Loss...

2011-12-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

I am having kind of a hard week emotionally. I'm sure that the stresses of the holiday season, homeschooling, bathroom remodel drama and hormones are all contributing, but the truth is that I'm still mourning the baby that I lost.

This Friday would have marked my 20th week--the half way point of pregnancy. But instead of joyfully announcing the gender of my child, I am dealing with my monthly reminder that I am no longer growing that baby inside of me.

I wish I could go back to 'before' when I didn't know first-hand how fragile life can be. Back when the thought of getting pregnant was just exciting and not both something I crave and fear at the same time.

I don't know why this week has been harder than the others. Maybe it's something about how the holidays bring out a sentimental side. Maybe it's all the reminders that I'm not pregnant. Maybe it's all the pregnant women and talk of babies that seems to be happening lately. Maybe I can chock it up to the "that time of the month" hormones. I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm sad. And that even though I realize how unbelievably blessed I am and that when I compare my lot in life with those of others...I feel as though I have no room to complain--I still feel the pain of loss and I still have so many bittersweet moments when I miss what should have been.

No one wants to talk about it...and I don't suppose I really want to either. But at the same time I don't want to pretend like it never happened and that I don't still think about it on a daily basis. Russ knows that I still struggle...but even to him I only hint at the reason 'cause I can't bring myself to actually say the words.

Life may be back to "normal" but my heart will never quite be the same.

Sharing the journey

2011-12-17T23:43:00.000-07:00

I love blogs. As fun as it can be to have a blog...the best thing is being able to participate in other people's lives through their blogs.

I got started in the world of blogging a few years ago after my 10 year high school reunion when one of my classmates led me to her blog and encouraged me to start my own. Since then my world has expanded so much. I have people in my life whose hearts & lives I feel more connected to than most of the people I know in real life because they have chosen to blog. My awareness has spread in a very personal way because of their blogs. Many of the bloggers I "know" best and have been most impacted by were so-called "mommy bloggers" who led "normal" lives like mine when I started to follow them but have since been changed by unforeseen movements in their lives and as a result have reached into my life and allowed me to get a taste of something different.

Because of the blogs of people like Tiffany & Lara, I have traveled to Africa on life-altering adoption journeys and have developed a soft spot for adoption. I have been introduced to the ins & outs of the international adoption process, the joys & pains of making a former orphan a member of a loving family, and the sudden change in worldview that can occur when visiting less fortunate countries of the world.

Because of blogs like Ramee's and Becca's, I have been allowed to peak into a life that exists in my fears of having a child with great physical challenges. Reading their blogs and others like them, I have a rare opportunity to feel for a moment what that mom feels and, through her journey, find a peace in knowing that if her situation became mine, I too could find a way to deal with it beautifully and with grace & strength through Christ. Sharing in their journeys gives me perspective and humbles my mother heart. It also personalizes the causes that I see promoted around me and softens me to care.

Through C. Beth Blog, I get to experience a bit of the gift of surrogacy. Through From Chaos to Grace, I get a glimpse of life as a foster parent.

Because of blogging, I had the chance to watch a couple struggle with their marriage and reunite, I have mourned with a recent divorcee who then struggled through her ex's suicide. I get to participate in the work of people in the mission field. I learn how other people have chosen to live more frugal lives. The things I get to witness through the blogging community are amazing.

I am so grateful for people willing to open their hearts & minds & lives with the world through blogging. It is a risk. It can be hard being vulnerable with people who can rake your soul across the coals with one anonymous comment. But I am so grateful, because their willingness to share has enriched my life and has served to prepare me for whatever the future of my journey may hold. Right now my life is pretty "normal" but one of these days God may decide to take me in an unexpected direction like He did with so many of these bloggers and when He does, I know that I will be a little more equipped because these woman shared their journey with me.

Ugly Sweater Party

2011-12-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

Last night some close family & friends joined us at our house for the holiday silliness known as an 'ugly sweater party'. It's really just an excuse to get together and dress silly. :) We scored some fun sweaters at our local Goodwill...I even scored some for the girls. They loved being able to be a part of our party! We had a great time just hanging out, having fun and getting to know each other better. A lot of nice memories were made...

Making Christmas Cookies

2011-12-14T08:55:00.003-07:00

Monday, we made the cookies...

Tuesday, we decorated the cookies...

And now we EAT the cookies!

Yum!

Beautiful Girls & Beautiful Bokeh

2011-12-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

I Heart Faces: "On Your Feet"

2011-12-05T01:34:00.001-07:00

A Touch of Christmas

2011-12-03T21:18:00.001-07:00

"Christmas hath a beauty
Lovelier than the world can show:
For Christmas bringeth Jesus,
Brought for us so low."
-Christina Rossetti

Fear in a fallen world

2011-12-01T09:53:00.001-07:00

For the last few years I have really struggled with fear. I knew that it wasn't right. I wanted to be able to sit back and trust God and know that no matter what happened, it would be okay. But I couldn't. I would think about all the "what ifs" that could devastate my life and let them have power over me. The world is filled with tragedy and sickness and perversion. People die in horrible unexpected ways. People fight and get divorced just because. People are abused and mistreated. People fight & suffer with diseases just to die anyway. And all this bad stuff is no respecter of persons. Just as it is written in Matthew, it rains on the just as well as the unjust. "Nice" people as well as "cruel" people. Christians as well as non-Christians. The fallenness of this world is overwhelming and I was always wondering, "when is it going to happen to me?".

I have led a pretty sweet life. I grew up in a family who loved me, within miles of all four of my grandparents, as well as aunts, uncles, & cousins. Divorce has only touched my life through friends and distant relatives. Abuse is something I've only read about. I was healthy, smart & well-liked. I never had to fight physical limitations. I've never tried to overcome a learning disability. I've never dealt with bullies. I became a Christian at a young age and as a young person was blessed with a hope & faith that freed me from care. I attended college, made some great friends, and suffered only the minor hurts of disappointment. As a 31 year old woman, I am amazingly blessed. I live in a nice warm home with my loving, hard working husband; I have 3 healthy, smart & beautiful little girls. And over the course of adulthood, rather than focusing on what a blessing this life is and enjoying every moment, I began to feel like it is too good to last and that I needed to be on the alert because any day the proverbial "other shoe" could drop.

Then I had the miscarriage. As far as tragedies go, I would rate it low. But it was a loss, none the less, and it brought me to a place with God of asking the ever present question of this fallen world, "why?" Why do some prayers get answered with miracles and some don't. Why did that young Christian mother have to die of cancer while the 80 year old man who abused his children lives on? Why did that vehicle hit that patch of ice? Why did that couple give up after 18 years of marriage?

And the fact is...God has an answer. It just often isn't the answer we want to hear. What I have been learning is that in this mess of a world that was made messy by our own hand, God owes us nothing but he has given us everything. If He were to step back from us...we would all die. Our question more appropriately should be, "Why was I allowed such moments of joy? Why was that person who died of cancer allowed that extra time to say goodbye? Why was I allowed the blessing of motherhood? Why am I blessed with an abundance of food & water to care for me and my family? In a fallen world, the norm should be pain not joy; death not life but because of His provision we get the good with the bad.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

As Christians, this is our go-to verse in times of suffering. It is a promise we hold on to because we don't always see the good. We don't always feel as if anything good is or could ever come from the experience. But through this promise we know differently. This is where it has been helpful for me to look at the life of Joseph in Genesis. He was beaten & sold into slavery by his own brothers. Pretty bad...but there is, first of all, a blessing in the the fact that he wasn't dead because they had planned to kill him. Then he gets to Egypt and is a slave...he is falsely accused of attempted rape and is thrown into prison. He was in prison A LONG TIME. Years. I'll bet it wouldn't feel like a blessing. But if he hadn't been in prison he wouldn't have had the opportunity to interpret the dreams of the pharoh's servants and therefore the dreams of the pharoh himself. And if he hadn't done that, he wouldn't have had the opportunity to prepare for the famine and the nation and he and his entire family would have starved to death! God worked it for good in the end. I beleive that he is doing the same in our lives even in pain and death.

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a beautiful Christian lady who had been fighting cancer for 30 years. I didn't know her well, only having met her a couple of times, but it didn't take much to see that she knew what mattered in life; that she was someone special. At the funeral I sat in the back of the church with my girls and listened to the officiant. He quoted Ecclesiastes 3:4 that says, "there is a time to mourn and a time to dance" and he talked about how we mourn the fact that we will never get to enjoy her here on earth again and remarked how she is dancing in heaven. That made me smile through my tears. We get so caught up in the pain & loss of this world that sometimes we consider God's orchestration in it all to be either irrelevant or cruel and we consider tossing Him out. But that would be to toss our greatest asset in all this suffering!

I started this post talking about my battle with fear. The ironic thing is that it took a loss, a taste of suffering, to remove it. Through my miscarriage I learned, more tangibly, that I have no control. And fear does nothing to prevent anything. But more importantly I learned that God is the only solid foundation for dealing with the pains of this world. He is the only place to find hope amidst all the ugliness that this life doles out. Even if we are never allowed an understanding of the "whys", we can rest in knowing that He does and that when we or those we love die in this battle, they are dancing with Life in a world that knows no suffering. And that assurance helps ease the fear.

I Heart Faces: "Bust a Gut"

2011-11-28T08:25:00.001-07:00

On Thanksgiving it was my goal to get a "busting a gut photo" for this challenge. I found my opportunity when my family took a hay ride while my dad pulled us around with his tractor. We were successful in getting my 70+ grandma to join us for her very first hay ride. She got a little freaked out and my mom found the whole thing so funny! I caught this picture (as well as several others) of her and my brother enjoying the moment. I love how you can see my dad in the tractor, too. :)

I Heart Faces: Autumn Splendor

2011-11-13T22:03:00.001-07:00

Being Grateful for...Pastors

2011-11-11T15:00:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was thinking about thanksgiving and what it means to be thankful. Those thoughts are a whole other post all their own, but as I was contemplating some of the things I am thankful for, I thought about my spiritual life and all the different people who have contributed along the way and all the different congregations I have been a part of in my life and how grateful I am for all those pastors and their wives who heeded the call to ministry and, as a result, are a part of my spiritual makeup and my story. As I thought about all these different men and all these different congregations, I felt that it was important for me to honor them in this way.

"Remember your leaders who first taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and trust the Lord as they do." Hebrews 13:7 (New Living Translation)

Reverend Rudy Sauter was the first to touch my life, as he was the pastor of the Crawford Nazarene Church where my parents attended when I was born. He & his wife Lois were pivotal in bringing several members of my family to the Savior. Lois was a very special lady who led a Bible study in my grandparents home every week. And Rudy was the one who dedicated me as a baby. He has since gone on to live with the Lord but he no doubt holds a special place in the hearts of countless believers (including my parents) who are doing God's work today.

There were several pastors who served at Crawford Nazarene Church during my childhood. There were the Darlings, the Runyans, & the Phlegers who all had a role in my spiritual development. When I was a young teenager, Pastor Lee Eads and his wife Sherri moved into the parsonage of the New Hope Church of the Nazarene. Pastor Eads served as pastor there for around ten years during one of the most formative times of my spiritual life. He was young and nice and was unintimidating. During my college years when I would be back home from college and attend church with my parents I enjoyed the discussions that happened at the adult Sunday school class. Pastor Lee officiated at my brother's wedding & my great grandmother's funeral and Russ & I asked him to say the meal prayer at our wedding reception.

In 1998, I started college. It was at this time that I really found an excitement for Jesus. I attended Ridgeview Bible Baptist for awhile...and watched one of my best friends get baptized there but after a bit I started going to the Chadron Berean Church and that is where I found a home under Pastor Dan Williams & his wife Dee. For five years, I grew in the word thanks to the weekly teachings of Pastor Dan and felt like a part of a church family thanks to the community of believers at Chadron Berean who have a gift for taking college students under their wings and making them feel at home. I met my future sister-in-law for the first time at Chadron Berean and Russ & I were so pleased to have Pastor Dan be the one to unite us in our marriage covenant. Pastor Dan & Dee have recently moved on to bless a new congregation. A bittersweet end for those who love them so dearly in Chadron.

Before I met Russ, I took an internship in Rapid City, SD for several months in 2002. While I was there I was led to attend a young singles bible study group at Calvary Baptist Church. The friends I met there were some of the best people you can imagine. I began attended regular Sunday services. The pastor was the father (and future father-in-law) to some of my bible study friends. Pastor Steve Evans was a phenomenal musician and had a gift for leading the congregation to a spirit of worship. One of the things I learned while at Calvary Baptist is the joy & power of literally going to your knees in prayer & worship before the Father. I had never had that experience before, but at Calvary there was always the opportunity to just go to the alter and pray just because you felt like it and I loved the intimacy & vulnerability that this brought to my relationship with Jesus.

A year after Russ & I got married, he got a job in Colorado Springs. Not long after we moved there we began looking for a church. The third church we tried was Grace Bible Church which was just blocks away from our home (a rarity in the city) and we loved it there and felt right at home. Right away we were introduced to Pastor Jeff Anderson & his wife Nancy. It was quite an interesting experience for me to talk to him at my 4 feet, eleven inches with his height being well over 6 feet! Pastor Jeff is one of the most friendly people and you'd be hard pressed to find anyone sweeter than Nancy. We got involved at Grace Bible right away. Russ got in the rotation for working the sound board on Sunday mornings and we both volunteered to work with the Awana Cubbies. Even though it was a significantly sized congregation, Pastor Jeffnever failed to make us feel valued. When he would greet us after theservice, even with all the distractions and other people needing his attention,his words to us always felt focused and sincere. It was while attendingGrace Bible that Eden was added to our family. The ladies of Grace Biblethrew me a surprise baby shower and it was Pastor Jeff who dedicated Eden tothe Lord. We moved back to Nebraska in 2006 and leaving Grace Bible wasone of the saddest parts.

After we moved we spent several months trying out the different churches in the area. There were a lot of good churches but none that really felt like home to us. One of Russ' co-workers invited us to a Tuesday night Bible study at a very small storefront church. We went and really liked it. I was hesitant however to attend the Sunday service because it was such a small congregation and I knew that it would be harder for my non-social self to function in a smaller environment. However after resisting for a few weeks Russ finally talked me into going on Sunday morning to Calvary Chapel Scottsbluff. It was basically what I expected only my reaction was totally different than what I expected. Somehow it just felt right. Pastor Kevin Carradine and his wife Lyn and basically everyone at Calvary Chapel were unlike any congregation I'd been a part of before. It suited us very well at that time. Services were super casual. Pastor Kevin would sometimes preach without any shoes and there was nothing strange about it. The thing we liked best, though, was Pastor Kevin's style of teaching. There was no frills, no schemes, no pretense. He just picked a book of the Bible and would teach it verse by verse. When the time ran out, he'd just stop and he'd pick up where he left off the next week. He never preached morality at us...instead he just taught us the Word and let it do its work in us. I adored this simple, systematic approach! Because it was such a small congregation, we all got to know each other pretty well. And there was plenty of opportunities to spend time together. Since pastor Kevin is of Jewish heritage one of the cool things that they did at Calvary Chapel was have a Passover Seder. While we were there, they started up a local low frequency radio station that broadcast sermons and kept the men busy. But one of the special things about Pastor Kevin & Lyn is the openness of their home. Almost every Sunday, people from the church were welcome to have lunch with them and then stay to play games all afternoon but there was never any pressure. It gave ample opportunity for the regulars to become very familiar with each other and to develop varying levels of friendships within the group.

Another congregation & pastor worth mentioning is Chadron Community Church and Pastor Dominick Warne & his wife Loralie. When Pastor D came to the Chadron AG church a few years ago, it wasn't long before my entire family were regulars. My brother's family already attended CCC before the Warnes arrived but when they took over, a new life was breathed into this congregation and my parent's & sister quickly discovered that it was the home for them, as well. Since Russ & I live 2 hours away, we can't be considered "regulars" but this is definitely my church home away from home. When I walk in the door, I immediately sense the Spirit of God there. The people at CCC are a very diverse family and there is no mistaking the love among them that they are ready & willing to extend to anyone. Pastor D brings a straight-talking evangelistic-style of preaching that is biblical and is relevant for both the believing and the seeking. He & Loralie also brought vision to the congregation and serve in leading them to be light within the community. Pastor D is also talented musically and has allowed God to use that in setting the tone for community worship. I always look forward to Sunday services at CCC with excitement when I have the opportunity. God is clearly at work among the people there and Pastor D & Loralie are certainly playing a part.

Finally, I must show appreciation for the pastor who is leading me into my next phase. Pastor Bruce Peterson of Grace Chapel. We had been jumping around a bit again over the last year or so hoping to find a place with the same special qualities as CCC. We finally realized that there were many great congrgations but none that were obviously speaking to our hearts above any of the others. We narrowed our choices down to two and finally just decided to go to Grace Chapel. After making that decision, God has been revealing himself to me in obvious ways and using Pastor Bruce's sermons to hit home the things He is teaching me. We have only been attending regularly for a couple months now but I can see already that we are going to be right at home at Grace and am excited to get to know Pastor Bruce & his wife Sally better as God leads us to our role in this new congregation.

If my experiences have collectively taught me something, it is that God's giftings & callings come in a variety of forms and that the body of Christ should be unified. Denominations are just a way of accommodating different styles and although they may differ in opinion on some issues and stress differing aspects of the Christian life, they all serve the same Lord. In my journey I have attended Nazarene, Baptist, Berean, Calvary Chapel, Bible Churches, Church of Christ, Congregational, and Assembly of God, as well as non-denominational varieties. At every place, the Bible was of utmost importance, the love of Christ was evident, and there was a heartfelt desire to live for His glory. Nothing else matters...we are one in Him.

I have been blessed to have had so many wonderful people of God touch my life. This list doesn't even cover all the pastors and churches that I have learned from (such as Willie Coop and David & Karalyn Kennedy) . It doesn't include all the pastors that have blessed me through friendship (Such as Daniel & Shelley Feister and Jim & Connie Sponable). It doesn't include those who serve through student ministry (Such as Ruel Danner, Rick Demerest and Shawn & Jodi Bahnzaf). It doesn't include all the associate pastors, bible study leaders, & others who have affect my life through ministry. But I am grateful for what all of them do as well. Full-time ministry is a sacrificial profession that requires more than a person can give on their own but the people who do it and rely on Christ's provision so they can do it--they deserve our thanks; they deserve our appreciation. And I wanted to take a moment to reflect on how a few of those people have blessed me in my spiritual journey and say, "Thank you."

"Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you." 2 Corinthians 9:13-14 (NIV)

"And now, friends, we ask you to honor those leaders who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience. Overwhelm them with appreciation and love." 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 (The Message)

My Fall Fledglings...

2011-11-10T18:31:00.001-07:00

I Heart Faces: "Black"

2011-11-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

Smile...

2011-11-01T14:50:00.001-06:00

Turning my eyes upon Jesus...

2011-10-30T20:27:00.001-06:00

I should be 12 weeks pregnant today. But I'm not.

Last night I had a miscarriage.

And honestly I'm not sure how to speak of the whole situation. I'm not as sad as I expected to be but I think that is because I dealt with the sadness and the depression two weeks ago when we first found out that our baby no longer had a heartbeat and had quit growing at 8 wks, 1 dy. And I think that I can easily say that my current peace over the situation is due to Jesus' work in my life the last two weeks.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." And I can say with confidence that good has already come from this unwanted & unwelcomed situation in my life.

In early Sept. we found out we were expecting. We were excited but I was wary to get too excited or tell anyone. I went in to the clinic. Because of some pregnancy test confusion and elevated Hcg levels, the nurse ordered a ultrasound to confirm my due date. I went in somber not wanting to get too excited almost as if expecting something to be wrong.

But there wasn't. The ultrasound showed a perfectly healthy little fetus that dated right on at 7 wks, 3 days. I came home happy & relieved. A few days later (at 8 wks) I told my family the happy news.

Now that I had visual confirmation that there really was a baby and that it was healthy & fine, I began to get excited about the new little life that was to join our family in May. I bought some new maternity jeans and began to reschedule my future to include pregnancy, birth & nursing.    Russ & I talked about making this our last kid and how we each felt about that.

On October 14th I had my first OB appointment. It was pleasant with all the usual niceitys. Usually in my midwife's routine she'll check for the heartbeat as one of the first things but I had a student this day instead and she said that she liked to save that for last, so after a really long appointment she tries to find a heartbeat and can't. She gets my midwife and she can't find a heartbeat either. They leave me and go see if they can get me in for an ultrasound right away just to make sure things are fine. I waited for a long time...Russ is home with the kids and I'm beginning to think he'll be wondering about me. But I couldn't call him because my cell phone wasn't in my purse. Emotionally at this point I'm doing okay. I knew there was a chance that there was a problem but I assumed that it was just a fluke that they couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler since it was still fairly early and that the ultrasound would just ease my mind.

When I finally got in with the ultrasound tech and the picture was on the screen, I knew right away that the news wasn't good. Having just had an ultrasound two weeks earlier I knew what a heartbeat should look like and I didn't see one. After a minute the tech explained the baby was only measuring at 8 wks, 1 d. and there was no heartbeat. She said, "I'm sorry." and asked if anyone was with me or if I wanted to call anyone. I declined and followed someone back down to a room to meet with my midwife.

I was pretty numb. I sat there while she talked to me about how this was sad and how it is normal. She talked to me about how it wasn't my fault, how people would say dumb things, and about how my husband may not deal with it in the same timing as me. She talked to me about my options...waiting to let miscarriage happen naturally or scheduling a d&c. I chose the former.   I fought back tears...just hoping to make it out before crying. She scheduled me to come back in a week and told me I could call her anytime.

I cried a little on my short drive home. I found Russ downstairs. He casually asked me how it went. "Not good." was my reply. As I fell into his arms I explained what had happened. It was just surreal. I decided to call my mom before the reality really sank in. I asked her to tell everyone else. I couldn't bear to do that.

The next day was Saturday. I pretty much spent the day lying around, watching tv. Television was the only thing I could do to keep myself from dwelling on the bad news that my baby was dead. Russ gave me food and I put it in my mouth. If he hadn't brought me food, I'm sure I wouldn't have eaten anything. I was in a depression. I was scheduled to take engagement picture that evening for a couple I had never met. When the time came, I forced myself out of bed and to that session. It was a tough one. I was so distracted at first, I felt like I was not even there and I was wishing I had cancelled. By the end of it, I was doing much better and was glad that I went.

My parents had attended a healing conference on Saturday and felt it was important that they come down on Sunday and pray over me and the baby. I was grateful for this and had really wanted that but was also nervous because I am not comfortable being emotionally vulnerable in front of people (even my own family) and I knew that I nearly always break down when I am being prayed over and with this being an exceptionally emotional situation anyway, I was just plain anxious about it. My whole family (brother, sister & their spouses and my parents) decided to come and intercede for this wanted child. Before they arrived I took a walk to listen to worship music & talk to God. I could feel hope welling up in me and yet I was broken inside.

That afternoon with my family was fantastic. We talked about the importance of praying and coming against the enemy. We talked about having a faith in the God of miracles. My parents shared passages of scripture with us (some of which my mom had read to me earlier that morning as well) that they felt God had led them to. And then we all came together and many prayed over me and it was a powerful unifying family experience. Afterward, we all went out for pizza and I had a measure of peace that I hadn't had before that.

The next week is impossible to explain in a few words. I had a renewed fervor for the Lord. I tried to soak up as much as I could. I watched a ton of sermons on tv, I read my bible a lot, and I listened to worship music in between. Every lesson God brought me to seemed to build on the one before. I was led to hope and then I was led to faith and I began to believe that Jesus would heal my unborn child. I had (have) no doubt that he could (can) for he is a God that can raise the dead to life and that week, I began to believe he would.   I had faith. This post gives more insight into where my heart was at this time.

Friday, October 21st was my visit to the ob. I was nervous and excited because I expected to be presented with evidence that my baby was alive but I knew that it would be my responsibility to ask. I was allowed to have another ultrasound and it showed...no change.

I was disappointed but not discouraged. My walk with the Lord was growing enormously and I certainly wasn't going to let this set me back. Jesus kept leading me and I began to see how I was still putting some of the faith in my own self...even in my own "faith" as if that would "earn" me a miracle. I came to a place of saying to the Lord, "I know that You can give me a miracle and I'm still going to believe for one. But if your answer turns out to be 'no' I will trust in your wisdom and sovereignty and accept that. No matter what, I am going to walk with you one day at a time." This week, the most prominent word from God has been to not dwell on the past or worry about the future but to just trust in Him moment by moment. I spent the week in that state a mind and hoping that a miracle would be in my future but realizing that even if it wasn't I would be okay.

Thursday evening I had the very first hint of miscarriage. In that moment I dealt with my sadness and disappointment. For a half hour I let myself play with ideas of injustice and betrayal but then quickly spoke of God's goodness, sovereignty, & wisdom as I worshiped Him by singing, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus" and "Because He Lives"

Friday, my mom offered to watch the girls for the weekend so I got them packed up and sent them off to 'Meanma & Papa's" house with my sister & brother-in-law. I was scheduled for two photo shoots on Saturday but knowing miscarriage was imminent and not knowing when or how it would play out I went ahead and cancelled everything for the weekend.

Russ & I spent most of Saturday wandering around Home Depot and working on our home improvement projects. I pulled nails out of the side of our house and bagged up some old insulation. I had some cramping all day but nothing too serious. By evening the cramps were definitly intensifying. By 8 pm I was pretty uncomfortable and decided to take a bath. Just as I was finishing up and preparing to get out, I began to miscarry.

I'll leave out the details but things got very real up in here. But I was completely calm and at peace through the whole experience and am blessed with a wonderful husband who was a great help to me as well.

Today I woke up feeling normal again. I cannot say that I am happy but I can say I am at peace. I know that there are going to many sad moments in the coming months when we reach days that should have been milestones for this baby and when there are reminders of what should have been. But right now...there is a peace. I know that my baby is resting with Jesus in the heavenly places. I know that this experience has brought me to a renewed relationship & reliance on God that I have no wish to relinquish. And now that I have a firm 'no' from Him in regard to this miracle and I know that there must be a reason for it beyond my understanding, I can now move forward to the next step in my life and in my walk with Him.

It is not easy to lose a child, even one you have never held. But today as I release this unknown child into His eternal care, I refuse to dwell on what might have been but instead I will choose to rejoice in how this child's short existence affected my soul in such a positive way.

Until we meet in heaven...

Stepping out of the Boat

2011-10-26T01:14:00.000-06:00

I recently read the passage in Matthew 14 about when Jesus walked on the water. He sent his disciples ahead of him in the boat while he went up on the mountain to pray. By the time he's finished, the boat was a "considerable distance" from shore because of the wind. No big deal...Jesus just walks on out to them.

Meanwhile, back in the boat, the disciples look out and see this figure coming toward them over the water and freak out...thinking its a ghost! Jesus reassures them, "Hey, it's me. You don't need to be afraid." Now here is where the story gets really interesting, in my opinion. Peter (wonderful, impulsive Peter) says, "If it's you, then tell me to come." (I don't see how Jesus telling him to come proves it's him. Seems to me just the kind of thing a ghost would want you to do...jump in rough waters in the middle of the night and drown!...but I digress.) Anyway, so Jesus invites Peter to come and the passage says, "Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus." (vs.29) Wow! But it didn't take long and Peter remembered that this was craziness! "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord save me!" (vs.30) As soon as he looked around (took his eyes off Jesus) and let his mind evaluate his situation, he gave his faith over to fear and began to sink. Bummer. Jesus immediately catches Peter and says, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" (vs.31)

This is the part of the story that bothered me. Jesus seems so critical of Peter. I look at this story and think..."Hey, at least Peter had enough faith to get out of the boat! He even took several steps! It seems to me his faith is admirable." It just bothered me that Jesus seemed to focus on his moment of doubt rather than his moment of faith. Especially considering how all the others just stood in the boat and watched.

I pondered a while and asked for some insight into this. One of the answers I got was how Jesus is not interested in the comparison game. My faith walk is not a contest between me and others. We each have our own road to walk and our own unique tests of faith and mine is not going to look the same as someone else's. Peter's is not going to be the same as John's. We cannot let another person's successes or failures taint our view of our own growth. In that moment, it was Peter who was stepping out in faith and therefore it was Peter who needed the Lord's words. Jesus needed Peter to see that his doubt was misplaced. In faith, Peter had miraculously walked on water! Jesus was with him...but Peter let his mind trick his emotions and he let his emotions steal his faith. He didn't have to sink at all! But when he did...as we (I) so often do/will Jesus was right there to catch him and speak to him in truth. :)

Another thing the Spirit showed me is this...When Jesus & Peter made it back to the boat and got on, Jesus' peace immediately came (no wind) and those on the boat who witnessed this whole thing all "worshiped him" (vs.33) It is a blessing to see a miracle from a distance and will lead to change and worship in those on the sidelines watching Jesus work around them. Even those who stayed on the boat were blessed by what had happened. How much better should it be for Peter! Not only did Peter get to witness a miracle of Jesus, he also got to participate in the miracle, even if just for a moment!

I dare say that I am tired of just being a boat believer. I want to be more like Peter. I would rather step out of the boat in faith and walk with Jesus on the water for a moment and then sink...than to never step out of the boat at all!

And maybe...the next time Jesus invites me to step out in faith, I'll be able to make it a little farther before Jesus has to catch me and remind me not to doubt.

I Heart Faces: "Let them be little"

2011-10-23T23:20:00.000-06:00

Looking forward in faith to an "unknown" known future

2011-10-20T18:09:00.000-06:00

This week has been one of the most life-changing weeks of my 31 years. Jesus has reached out to me and has taken me into His loving arms and has called me to a new future. He has been systematically renewing my mind and giving me His eyes of faith as I look beyond my natural circumstances. He walked me through distress to a place of love. And from love to hope. And from hope to faith! He has been watering my soul to receive a miracle.

I have learned to not let the world dictate my future but to look only to Jesus for the truth of my future. I have learned that opening my life and allowing myself to be vulnerable to my family of believers is a blessing and not a curse. I have learned that it is okay to hope. In my adult life, I have allowed myself to believe that to hope is to risk looking a fool. But this week, Christ has taught me that to have hope is to build a foundation for faith. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for.." (Hebrews 11:1) Plus, God delights in using "the foolish things of the world to confound the wise." (1 Corinthians 1:27) and as David proclaimed, "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." (2 Samuel 6:22) for the sake of an uncompromising faith in Christ's goodness!

I have learned this week that God is "the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." (Romans 4:17) and that this is what it means to step out in faith. To the Almighty, there is no "future tense". My future is not "unknown" to Christ and He does not care what the world "knows" or presents as evidence because He see things as they are meant to be and calls them as such and He only requires that we trust Him for the Truth and not the world. For example, in the story of Jairus' daughter, Jesus is on his way with Jairus to visit her when a person meets them and tells them not to bother any more because the girl had died. (assuming it was too late for Jesus to help.) But Jesus is not shaken and when He gets there and sees all the people mourning He says to them, "'Stop wailing,'...'She is not dead but asleep' They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. But he took her by the hand and said, "Child get up!" Her spirit returned and at once she stood up." (Luke 8:52-56) In this passage Jesus both "gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." He told the mourners "She is not dead." when, in fact, she was... temporarily. Since Jesus knows the future, from His perspective the girl was as good as alive. The current situation...all the natural evidence...it was all completely irrelevant to Jesus. And I have learned that this is what it means to step out in faith. It means that we can speak a truth that is outside the realm of the present circumstances. Faith is being "certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1) And I have learned this week that if I truly believe that Jesus is all the things the Bible says He is then I must step out the way He asks me to and just trust in Him and in His goodness and in His power, and in His love.

He has reminded me this week that He is capable of the impossible. A God of miracles! "What is impossible with men is possible with God." (Luke 18:27) He has reminded me that He is willing and all we need to do is ask. (Mark 1:41) and (Luke 18:1-8). He has reminded me that "the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) and that he is a thief that "comes only to steal and kill and destroy;" but that Christ has come that I "may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

I think that although I gave my life to Christ as a child and in spite of the fact that I have attended so many wonderful Bible-based Christian churches my whole adult life, I have not given myself fully to the grace of God. I have believed that I have an obligation to live a certain way in order to be deserving of God's blessings and therefore, it is hard to get past my failures to have faith that Christ will do for me what I know He can. But Romans 4 makes it clear that blessings come only through faith and not by the law. Believing that I had to do something in order to access God's miracles took the power from my faith. This week, through Christ's unfailing faith and my new understanding of grace, I have a renewed spirit! "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7)

This week of spiritual revival has come to me because of a specific circumstance in my life. Tomorrow is the day in which my faith is tested before the world. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. I am standing in confidence in "him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," (Ephesians 3:20) and I am believing for a miracle. Pray for me as I walk this walk of faith into my "unknown" known future!

Acacia's birthday

2011-10-14T10:33:00.000-06:00

I haven't been on here much lately. Life can get a bit overwhelming at times and keeping up my blog is not my top priority. In all the craziness I completely missed posting about my sweet little Acacia celebrating her 2nd birthday. I did post a few of the portraits I did of her on my photography blog HERE but I wanted to make sure a bit of her day was documented so even though it is three weeks late I'm gonna go ahead and post it now.

Acacia is our lover, always the first to dole out the hugs and lingers in the embrace. She freely expresses her love for us through her words as well. And she uses her smile & eye contact to make total strangers fall in love with her as well.

She is our happiest child. Her smile is quick and easy. She is not one to let things get her down for long. She can be super stubborn & persistent when she wants to be. But as a rule she is easy going and content.

She loves to color and has used nearly everything in our house as a canvas at one point or another over the last year.

Here are a few photos from her special day.

Five Question Friday: 10/14/2011

2011-10-14T08:00:00.000-06:00

It's Five Question Friday over at My Little Life and I'm joining in...

1. Do you prefer your ice cream in a bowl or in a cone?

As a general rule I prefer to eat my ice cream out of a bowl but I absolutely love the taste of an ice cream soaked cone. I guess I prefer the bowl because I am a slow eater and I can be more leisurely in my eating and don't feel rushed to eat. But I am always willing to finish off that last couple bites of cone that my kids can't quite seem to finish. :)

2. What three things do you love the smell of?

I love the smell of lilacs in the spring; I love the smell of chlorine in my towels; and I love the smell of freshly cut watermelon. Only three? pshhh...

I also love the smell of new baby skin, the smell of a warm summer rain (Those are fairly rare in Western Nebraska.), and the smell of men's cologne.

Random thought, speaking of...

When I was in college my campus ministry leader once said that "Girls go by sense of smell and feelings." I thought that was great and never forgot it!

Oh yeah...And I love the smell of new books. :)

3. Giftcards or no? (In regards to gift giving...)

Heck, yeah! I think they are great gifts to both give and receive. It's more personal than cash as the giver can get creative and personal as to what the gift card is for but the receiver has so much more freedom as to when & how they spend it. Unless you really go out on a limb and get a gift card for some place crazy, the person using it is most certainly going to be able to get get out of it and generally like what they get. You don't have to worry if it's the right size, if they have it already, or if they are going to like it at all. That cannot be said for other gifts. They can be a total crapshoot sometimes! As the person receiving gifts, I would consider it a perfect Christmas if all I got were books & gift cards. :)

4. What sports did you play in high school if any and do you still play them?

I played volleyball. I went to a small high school where if you wanted to be in a sport, you were on the team. I started playing volleyball in 8th grade and stuck with it all the way through high school. I am 4'11 so needless to say, I wasn't a blocker. Another girl in my class was a much better setter than me so...I wasn't that either. I was considered a "back row specialist." That meant that I got subbed in for a blocker when they got to the back row and subbed back out when it was time for me to move up. I played mostly JV but I got to suit up for Varsity as a senior, though I spent most of my time on the bench "encouraging the other players". ;)

In case you enjoy seeing old photos of me from my younger days, here's my junior volleyball picture-Fall of 1996.

5. Were you in band in high school? What instrument did you play?

No. I was not in band. I never learned to play an instrument unless you count the two songs I was taught to play on a recorder in 4th grade.

However, I was in choir as an alto which I enjoyed very much. I couldn't read music but I was great at hearing a note and being able to match it. That served me well when I was near someone who knew our part well. ha!

I Heart Faces: "Hands"

2011-10-11T18:55:00.001-06:00

Cute Things My Kids Have Said: Part 8

2011-09-15T20:28:00.000-06:00

I haven't updated this since FEBRUARY!! So I thought it was about time. More cute things from my cute kids!

(Eden is 6; Jasmine is 4; Acacia is almost 2)
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Feb. 27, 2011: Jasmine: "Why isn't celery made out of flavor?"

March 6, 2011: From the mouth of Jasmine: "Our grandmas look like God and our grandpas look like Jesus."

March 30, 2011: Eden (matter of factly): "Everyone says I'm a rockstar."
Me: "Who says that?"
Eden: "Kids. All the kids in town."

April 13, 2011: I was watching 'The Biggest Loser' and many of the contestants had the opportunity to jump off of the tallest structure in the southern hemisphere and while watching, Eden got all excited and said. "I want to do that! I would love to do that!" and I said, "Not me, I'd be too scared." and she said, matter-of-factly, "That's because you're old."

April 14, 2011: Went to Murdoch's to see the baby chicks with our homeschool group. A nice lady held ones that the kids could touch if they wanted. I spent the whole time wrangling Acacia & trying to help Eden not be so timid and didn't mind Jazzy much. So, we get in the van to drive home and Jasmine gasps and says, "Oh, no! I forgot to pet the baby chicks!" Then in a sad voice she said, "It's too late now, Mama."

May 2, 2011: Eden explaining to Jasmine what public school is like, "There are other kids there and you have to stay there aaaall day. And they have desks and you're not suppose to take your shoes off."

May 3, 2011: Jasmine: "Look, it's not 'wind' ing anymore."

May 7, 2011: While watching 'The Wizard of Oz' Eden says, "The munchkins look like kids but they have mom & dad faces."

May 7, 2011: Also while watching 'The Wizard of Oz' I was amazed at how insightful she (Eden) was. At one point she turns to me and says, "The Scarecrow has no brain but he's the one that figures stuff out."

May 22, 2011: Eden was playing outside and found a worm in the sandbox and was so excited. Now she ran inside all sad saying "Poor wormy." because when she tried picking it up it fell in two.

June 1, 2011: Eden got in trouble for disobedience. I asked her why she didn't do what I asked and she said she was having too much fun and being crazy. I told her that she needs to always obey first and then she can play. She cried and said, "But the crazies were bothering me."

June 5, 2011: Eden's nighttime reading material: Her kid's cookbook!

June 21, 2011: We gave Acacia a taste of Henry Weinhard's Root Beer. Her reaction: "It's spicy."

July 2, 2011: Eden has her first loose tooth and cannot stop talking about it. She has been walking around the house saying, "I can't believe I have a loose tooth." and "Loose tooth, loose tooth, loose tooth."

July 18, 2011: Just googled 'how to get gum out of eyelashes'. The adventures of motherhood!

July 19, 2011: I was sitting on the couch watching tv with Jasmine and out of the blue she turns to me and asks, "How did the appendicitis get into you?" A month & half later and she's still thinking about it.

Aug. 17, 2011: At supper Eden asked me how long until there is no night & day. Jasmine said, "Is it when we're dead?" Then after talking about it for a bit Jasmine turns to me and asks, "Is Meanma gonna turn into god and is Papa gonna be Jesus?"

Aug. 30, 2011: Acacia (with the sweetest smile of expectation) says, "Look, Mommy! I colored!" She had created a blue masterpiece all over our white step stool.

Sept. 1, 2011: I asked Jasmine if she likes Uncle Vaughn. She said. "Yeah, He's a great uncle. But he's a giant."

Sept. 7, 2011: Jasmine recently informed us that her "woobie" has a "real" name. Woobie is his fake name and his real name is Aguash (or Ogwash) Campbell

Sept. 8, 2011: I was talking to the kids about God and Jasmine asks, "So God never dies?" I said "No, God never ever dies!" Then Eden spoke up and said, "Except that one time when they nailed him to the cross, but he came back to life."

Sept. 15, 2011: After realizing it was 39 degrees out, I tried unsuccessfully to get Jasmine to wear pants. She ended up wearing her skirt and Eden told her she was a freak. Jasmine says, "I'm not a freak! And besides what is a freak?" And the way she said it made it sound like a philosophical question, like "what is truth?" I giggled. And then Eden's answer was, "A freak is someone who is funny and wears summer clothes in the winter."

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If you want to enjoy past 'Cute Things' posts than click HERE!

First Day of School (2011-2012)

2011-09-12T16:02:00.000-06:00

After having to postpone starting school for a week due to curriculum shipping delays, we finally had our first day of school. Eden is in 1st grade and I'm doing some Pre-K stuff with Jasmine. We are focusing around an animal theme this year and I'm also going to teach US Geography. I set up a little corner for them in their room with desks and boards to display their work.

My First Grader:

My Pre-Kindergartener:

My three girls:

We had french toast for breakfast.

Then we had some reading time.

We learned about observation and measured ourselves.

Then it was time for some busy work.

And lastly, we had our first geography lesson. Where is Alabama?

Remembering...

2011-09-11T08:30:00.000-06:00

What the bombing of Pearl Harbor was to my grandparents generation, September 11th, 2001 is to mine. Every single person in America who was old enough to grasp the situation knows where they were when the Twin Towers were attacked.

Relatively speaking, 9/11 had a very small impact on my life. As a small-town Midwestern girl with mostly local connections, I didn't know anyone in NY, or even on the east coast. Unlike so many others, the attacks didn't claim anyone I knew. But the emotional shock of such violence on our country touched me as much as anyone.

On September 11th, 2001, I was twenty-one years old and a junior at Chadron State College in Chadron, Nebraska. I was living just off campus in a little basement studio apartment. I got up as usual at about 7 am to get ready for my 9:30 class. I didn't have cable so I turned on my radio, just like I did every Tuesday morning. It took me a minute to catch what was going on. One of the towers of the World Trade Center in NY was on fire...I don't think they even knew at that point what had happened. I was stunned. Within a couple of minutes after turning on my radio and trying to make head & tails out of what had happened...the radio voices reported that a plane was headed into the other building. The shock was palpible. It was surreal.

I think my mom called soon after that to see if I knew what was going on. I hung on the radio news until class time. At 9:30 I went to class not sure what to expect. This was clearly not going to be a normal day. At class we spent a chunk of time discussing what we'd heard and seen. I think it was at this time that I learned of the attack on the Pentagon. The general feelings were that of stunned confusion. Everyone just trying to process what was going on. There were rumors that all flights in the entire country were being shut down. It was all just so unbelievable. This was far beyond the scope of anything we'd ever lived through. We all knew we were living through one of the most life altering events in modern American history. We didn't have any regular lectures that day. And class was cut short and we were allowed to go home. As I headed to work at the campus bookstore that afternoon I still hadn't seen any of the video footage of the towers. We had tv's mounted in the store so I got small glimpses of the coverage while stocking shelves and processing packages for shipping but the volume was kept down and I was kept busy so I really didn't get to keep up on what all was going on.

That evening a large group of students (including myself) met around the campus clock tower to mourn, pray & process that morning's events. I don't know who set up the event and I don't know even exactly what happened during that time. The thing I do remember is all of us holding hands in a large circle around the clock tower, united with tears running down our cheeks. Its funny how the details have been lost with time...I don't remember if some prayed allowed, if we sang, or if we all just stood in silence but I remember very clearly how I was struck with how different we all were and how this tragedy had united us and brought the most unlikely people to speak of God. How humble and vulnerable we all felt. And how the Holy Spirit seemed closer than ever as we wept in united grief over the Evil that had become so apparent in the last 24 hours.

I remember it was dark as I walked across campus after the meeting lost in my thoughts. I didn't go straight home. I stopped first for a few minutes at my boyfriend's house chatting about the significance of the day and the unity it seemed to create.

It wasn't until the next day, while making beds at the Super8, that I really got to watch the video footage of the smoking towers, of the second plane making contact, of the collapses, & debris all over the streets of New York. Images are indeed worth a thousand words and all the talk of it did nothing to soften the blow of the images. I hated it and yet I couldn't stop watching. It just didn't seem real. It was like something from a movie. I couldn't imagine what it must be like for the people living in New York City.

As with any tragedy that is "far off" even as the news unfolded and the search for bodies wore on for weeks, and details of the suspected parties were revealed...the raw emotions wore off quickly and life in the middle of the country pretty much got back to normal. But 9/11 changed how we saw the world and changed how we functioned as a country.

Here we are 10 years later...forever changed.

And yet while banners are imploring us to "always remember", in so many ways have already forgotten.

We have forgotten the shock;
we have forgotten the vulnerablility;
we have forgotten the unity.

As a people we have forgotten 9/11 in the most important ways.

We all remember where were were, who we were with and what we did on September 11, 2001. But we have forgotten the spirit of that day.

Unity of love and humbleness before our God.

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free.

But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ;

rather, serve one another humbly in love."

Galatians 5:13

Before & After: 9/1/11

2011-09-01T00:07:00.002-06:00

Before (SOOC):

After (Edit):

Taken with Canon 5d Mark ii. Edited in Paint Shop Pro 9.

I did it...alternately titled "My non-frugal decision"

2011-08-31T18:47:00.001-06:00

Last night I did it. I threw them all in the trash. Every-single-one. (That I could find...)

After 5 years of collecting them and reusing them and regathering them and finding them all over the house and saving them and collecting more of them...I finally decided it wasn't worth it. They all went in the trash. And it was hard for me to do something so wasteful...but at the same time it felt so good.

And then today I spent a whopping $1.20 for three brand new boxes.

Let the collecting begin again. :)

I Heart Faces: "White"

2011-08-30T08:00:00.000-06:00

I Heart Faces: "Pets"

2011-08-21T22:15:00.000-06:00

I Heart Faces: "Beautiful Eyes"

2011-08-14T22:01:00.002-06:00

I Heart Faces: "Friendship"

2011-08-09T19:29:00.003-06:00

My go-to pancake recipe

2011-08-06T08:45:00.001-06:00

So pancakes are a staple breakfast food that I had a hard time finding a good recipe for the first several years of my marriage. I mean--I am not a fan of boxed pancake mix...too aluminumy for my tastes. An although nothing can beat the taste of a good buttermilk pancake recipe...I NEVER have buttermilk on hand. We never even have regular milk on hand as we typically use Unsweetened Almond Milk or Coconut Milk instead. I tried subbing these in many recipes with average sub-par results until I found the following recipe a little over a year ago. This recipe tasted great with almond milk. In fact, almost every time I cook them I marvel at how much they remind me of a super soft cookie. And it is so easy to do. I just measure all the ingredients into my KitchenAid and mix. Super, super easy! :) This recipe usually results in about eight 5" pancakes. Which is perfect for my family but most people may need to make more. My girls like to eat theirs with syrup but I prefer to have fresh strawberries & powdered sugar on mine...but honestly I think these are tasty totally plain. Enjoy!

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Tasty Dairy-Free Oatmeal Pancakes

1 c. flour
1 c. quick oats
2 Tb. sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 c. almond milk
2 tsp. vanilla
4 Tb. oil
2 eggs

Place all ingredients in food processor and puree until smooth.
Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop batter onto griddle. Brown on both sides and serve hot.

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5Q Friday: August 5, 2011

2011-08-05T08:26:00.003-06:00

Since I haven't been very inspired lately but I have wanted to say something on my blog, I decided to participate in My Little Life's weekly 5 Question Friday this week. Maybe you'll learn something about me or maybe you won't but here are my answers to this week's 5 questions. :)

1. Do you have siblings and are you close with them?

I do have siblings. I have a younger brother and a younger sister. I love them both so so much but I'm not sure how to describe our relationships in terms of "closeness". I consider us pretty close, but I know by comparison to other siblings that we are not as close as some. My husband and his sister are super close.

My brother & sister and I all care about each other a lot and I have no doubt that they would do anything they could for me and I for them but we aren't ones to talk late into the night or call each other just to see what's going on. We live close enough to each other to see each other at least once a month and we always have a really fun time when we're together but we don't get together very often to just to hang out with just each other. Our parents are around 80% of the time. But I've noticed that recently we have begun to make more of an effort to do things together. A couple years ago my brother's family and mine went on vacation together and that was a wonderful trip. I'd like to do more of that kind of thing.

My brother & I were really close as kids but as we matured the gender difference started to come into play more. With my sister I think the fact that I am eight years older caused our relationship to have a protective element to it which kept us from having the super close peer relationship that some sisters have. But now that she is officially an adult and married and whatnot, I expect us to overcome that a bit. I am way excited because in a week my sister and her husband are moving to town and my hope is that this will give a chance to connect in a whole new way...

Yay, for siblings living down the street!!

2. Would you rather be slightly UNDER weight or slightly OVER weight?

This seems like a dangerous question. In this day and age, weight can be a pretty touchy subject. I have a a huge problem with people who are slightly (emphasis on slightly) overweight, obsessing about those 5-10 lbs. They look great...they look fine. I say don't lose your pride in your body over a few measly pounds. On the other hand, I think that people who are truly overweight need to either own how they look and be the best over-weight them they can be and quit griping about it or they need to take the initiative to make the lifestyle changes that they need to make to change it.

However, I personally do not feel equipped to speak on the subject because I really have never struggled with my weight. According to most weight charts I am considered slightly underweight but I don't think that is truly the case. I have pretty much been the same weight since puberty and it suits my extremely small frame. One of the down sides to being so thin is people thinking I have an eating disorder. I don't get this much anymore, now that I've got the post-baby tummy pooch, but in high school and college I got it a lot. And the funny thing was, I was always eating and eating a lot! I was just blessed with a high metabolism and cursed with irritable bowels. (Is that TMI?)

I can just hear people groaning. I realize that I am not gonna get a whole lot of sympathy from the average women out their who struggle with their weight on a daily basis but...you know....

In answer to the actual question...I'm happy with how I am and I think that we should all strive to be the best "us" we can be regardless of our weight. Ideally, we would all be our "ideal" weight but very few people are and we should concentrate more on who & what we are on the inside rather than spending so much of our life unhappy with the way we look.

In conclusion...My opinion is that a person's health and a person's sense of worth is much more important than their weight.

3. What's your favorite State Fair food to splurge on?

Um...funnel cakes with powdered sugar.

4. What are your thoughts on your kid(s) going to school in a few weeks?

Well...my kids won't be "going" to school because we are a homeschool family. So in a few weeks we will be "starting" school. The summer went by so fast. I just got my paperwork back from the state Wednesday and I had a huge realization that "Ohmygoodness, it's already August and I haven't ordered my curriculum yet!" So I got my act together and placed the order. Eden will be in 1st grade this year and I'm going to include Jasmine in some of the lessons for "preschool". I am excited to start with the new curriculum but I would be remiss to say that I am looking forward to the school year. Homeschooling is not for sissies! It is hard work and you never get a 8 hour reprieve from your kids. I feel honored to be in charge of my children's education but it can be a bit intimidating. It will be nice to have a daily agenda again but I will miss the lazy freedom of summer as well. Well..."to everything their is a season." And soon it will be what we call the "school season." Bring it on...

5. Pool or Ocean?

For swimming, I'll stick to the pool. But seeing as how I live in Western Nebraska, I certainly welcome the sight of the ocean whenever I can get it.

Aww... (eyes closed) Big deep breath of salty air and sand between my toes. :)

(This is a photo of me at Newport Beach on my honeymoon in 2003.

It was the first time I'd ever seen the ocean.)

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Feel free to jump on over to Mama M's blog and see how other's have answered the 5Q's!

Thanks for stopping by...

A sample of summer...

2011-08-04T16:15:00.000-06:00

Although I have been too busy to do much writing on here and have been so consumed with editing other people's photos that I haven't really had much of a chance to enjoy my own...I took some time today to edit a few from the past month to share with you. :) Hope your summers have been full of life as well!

Isn't my daughter beautiful...

2011-08-04T12:23:00.002-06:00

I Heart Faces: "Water"

2011-07-24T23:10:00.000-06:00

Enjoying Summer

2011-07-19T11:05:00.001-06:00

I Heart Faces: "Props"

2011-07-17T23:47:00.002-06:00

Finding Time to Write

2011-07-13T23:13:00.000-06:00

My blog has begun to suffer recently. And I really wish that weren't the case. While I love photography, my favorite posts on this blog are ones I have thoughtfully written. It's been awhile since there has been much of that going on here.

Life can be so busy. Every moment, it seems, is being filled up with something. Even when nothing is getting done; something is filling up the time. And this not only makes it difficult to find time to write...but (even worse) it makes it difficult to find time to reflect in any meaningful way on anything enough to have something that feels worth writing. I have been told many times in my life that I am good with words but the truth is...writing does not come easily for me and I don't take the same pleasure in doing it as I do with other interests (such as photography and reading) so it always takes a back seat and when my days are filled with activity (as most days in a house with children tend to be) reflective writing is one of the things that I most easily give up. But not without some regret.

When I find the time to write and I take the time to write, I learn so much more about who I am, who God is, and where I see myself fitting into this world. I usually become a better person through the act of putting my thoughts down into a tangible, readable form. And not only that but I discover who I used to be through the act of reading back to myself what I wrote before. Writing is a beautiful part of who I am and how God made me and I feel as though I have been suppressing that part of myself by not letting it be used on a regular basis.

Long before photography became my main source of creative expression, I would write. I wrote poetry; I wrote essays; I wrote stories; I kept journals & notebooks and wrote letters. I was a writer. But writing for me takes not only time & reflection but also concentration. Back in those days it was just me. I spent hours alone with my pen & paper. Under the sky or in the confines of my room...I had the time & solitude to sit and write for as long as I wanted. Ahhh...to have a little piece of that back would be heaven!

But alas, I am no longer the carefree, young lady I was in those days. I am now a 31 year old woman who has a husband to love and three little girls to attend to. My days are no longer my own and the times of quiet solitude are a distant fading memory. Obligation requires that I not isolate myself from my surroundings to write. I must be present and alert at all times. There is no room for wandering freely in the many nooks & crannys of my mind. I am needed in the realm of tangibles to hear the cries of a hurt child or to get water for a thirsty one. The imagination is spent on inventing new ways to keep my girls from turning to the television for entertainment and my thoughts are primarily spent on everyday concerns like what bills are due when and what I should fix for the next meal. It seems folly to try to squeeze a moment in to extract words from the mental labyrinth of introspection amidst peanut butter sandwiches and crayon marks on walls. It is a battle that seems lost before it has even begun.

But...

Then again...

If I don't make time to write, will I lose myself in the routine and forget myself among the mundane? Will I be so distracted by the insipid droning of the world that I lose sight of things of meaning & worth & value? Will I begin to define myself by what I do rather than what I think and believe? And most importantly, will I miss the voice of God in my life because I was too busy to hear and listen to the words He placed on my heart?

I Heart Faces: "A Touch of Whimsy"

2011-06-28T09:03:00.000-06:00

Before & After: 06/23/11

2011-06-23T10:14:00.002-06:00

Before (SOOC):

After (edit):

Taken with Canon 5D Markii. Edited in Paint Shop Pro 9.

Jasmine's 4 Year Portraits

2011-06-22T10:07:00.003-06:00

Jasmine's 4 Year Portraits are up on my photography blog. Go check them out and let me know what you think. Click on the photo below to go to the post.

I Heart Faces: "Let's hear it for the boys"

2011-06-19T23:25:00.001-06:00

This week's theme for I Heart Faces is in honor of the males in our lives. After several days of trying to decide which photo to enter I decided on this photo of my Grandpa Jim in my hometown's 4th of July parade all decked out in his army uniform. Grandpa Jim is a WWII veteran. He fought the Japanese during wartime and received a purple heart when a hut exploded over his head breaking his eardrums. After the war he worked with his family farming & ranching, fell in love with and married a nurse, had four children (including my father), and raised them to be hard working, God-fearing men & women. My grandfather is now 91 years old and is still being lovingly cared for by his sweet wife of 60 years. He is a man worthy of respect & honor and I love him very much. Let's hear it for my Grandpa Jim and veterans everywhere!

I Heart Faces: "Bright and Vivid"

2011-06-13T15:56:00.002-06:00

Jasmine's birthday

2011-06-13T10:17:00.001-06:00

Even though I had surgery on Friday, we still wanted to make sure Jasmine's birthday was special. She woke up at my parent's house and I wished her a happy birthday on the phone. It was so cute to hear her talk to excitedly about being 4. My parents brought the girls back home before noon and family gathered to celebrate. Jasmine had requested a polka-dot cake and I had planned on making with her Saturday. But since I couldn't, Russ was sweet enough to make the cake for us and I went ahead and frosted it and covered it with the dots.

Jasmine got a decent stack of gifts from all her adoring fans and she had a great time opening them. She told me that that was her favorite part of the day.

She told me her favorite gift was the princess thing but I'm not sure what she's talking about. After she blew out her candles, while everyone else was eating cake, Jazzy sat quietly and played with her new Strawberry Shortcake play set.

We had to postpone her special birthday dinner since I wasn't up for going out so later in the week we'll probably take her out to Chili's for mac & cheese like she wanted. She's also anxious to wear her new birthday dress and go out for her special photo shoot with mommy but that's gonna have to be pushed back a few days as well. But I think she had a pretty good birthday. :)

Happy 4th Birthday to my Jasmine Jubilee

2011-06-12T10:26:00.004-06:00

Four years ago at 3:59 am, after a whoppin' half hour in the hospital...my little Jasmine barged her way into the world. I was a bit in shock due to the swiftness of her arrival and was a little shaky the first time I held her. But there was never any doubt that this girl would hold a special place in my heart.

Jazzy-girl-
You are such a spunky little four year old! You definitely march to the beat of your own drummer. You ARE your own drummer. I love that about you. I love that you can be so easy going but that you also know who you are and what you want and you don't let yourself be manipulated. When you smile, it's like watching the heavens light up with stars. Your giggle is like the sound of sunshine. It is so funny to watch you because you are a walking contradiction. So easy-going...yet so stubborn. Like sunshine...yet you are my moody brooding child. You are so independent and yet when you want to be you are the most helpful, cooperative darling.

You really know how to pack a punch. So much personality in such a small little body! You have a set of lungs on you and I get sick of hearing you scream but I love hearing you sing to yourself. You love to play by yourself and tend to withdraw in large groups of people. You can certainly talk up a storm but if too many people are around, it is nearly impossible to get a peep out of you.

You love Dora the Explorer, Tinkerbell & sidewalk chalk. Your favorite color is purple and when you grow up you want to do a little bit of everything! You would spend most of your time outside if I would let you and you currently refuse to wear anything but dresses. You are Papa's girl and love to go with him on his tractor. Although you are not a huge fan of Cody, his dog.

You are incredibly smart but you like to be sneaky about showing it off. You don't want me to teach you things but you are really learning a lot from watching me teach Eden. I was so surprised to hear you sound out the words in one of your books last month because I haven't tried to teach you to read but you're obviously learning it all on your own. Same with writing. You know how to spell so many words but you don't want my help learning how to write them...just like everything else...you're doing it on your own terms. That quality is certainly a challenge for me as your mommy but I really do admire that about you and think that it is a quality that will serve you well as you mature especially if you harness that energy for the Lord.

You are such a unique, special girl, Jasmine Jubilee. I love you so much and am honored to be your mama. Happy fourth birthday, darling!

My first surgery

2011-06-11T19:20:00.233-06:00

So yesterday I had very different plans for the weekend. I woke up with expectations of totally cleaning my house, laundry, doing some serious grocery shopping, doing some prep work for Jasmine's birthday on Sunday, and then getting cleaned up and going out to dinner at the new Chinese place in town with my hubby (& girls) for our Friday "date night". This, however, was not to be.

When I got up I had a mild stomachache and just a general yuckiness. I knew right away that I wasn't gonna be getting much done in way of housework because I just didn't feel up to it. Russ left for work and I got the girls ready and took Eden & Jasmine to their final day of VBS. Despite not feeling well I decided to go ahead with my grocery shopping plans since it is so rare to get three free hours with only one child. I stopped at Russ' work truck for a minute to say 'hi' and see if he wanted me to get him anything for breakfast. We decided he'd just go ahead & come home for some food in a couple hours. I went to our local health food store first and got a couple things there we've been needing for sometime and then came home to drop them off since I bought some Coconut Bliss and didn't want it to melt while I was at Walmart. Acacia & I went there next and normally I would browse a little more since I had the time & freedom to do so but because of how rotten I felt I just got what I needed and left. As I was loading the groceries into the van my cell phone rang and it was my dad calling to ask if I could pick up some parts for him. No problem...I went straight there, got his parts and came home. By the time I made it back to the house at 10:30, I was pretty miserable. I pulled in the driveway whimpering to myself. At that moment Laura Story's song 'Blessings' came on the radio. That really brought on the tears. It's like I already knew that this was more than just a normal stomachache. At any rate, I came inside and just tried to get comfortable. But couldn't.

I was pretty sure that what I had was severe gas pain but nothing seemed to bring any comfort. I asked Russ to come home and he did. He ended up going and picking up the girls at the church while I sat in the bathroom throwing up water and praying for relief from the pain. By 1 pm I couldn't take it anymore and told Russ I wanted him to take me to Urgent Care. I only had to wait for about 15 min but it was the most miserable 15 minutes. I paced their waiting room with a barf bag and ended up leaving the room to use it once. I finally got called back by the nurse. She took my weight, vitals & asked all the usual questions. The doctor came in and I liked her right away. She asked all her questions & checked me out and sent in a tech to get my labs. The tech took two viles of blood and took me to the bathroom for my urine. Between people I just writhed in the room trying to get comfortable while Russ sat in the van with the girls wondering how I was doing.

When the doctor came back she told me that I wasn't pregnant, that she was confident that I didn't have the flu and that my white count was very elevated and so she was wanting to send me to get a CT scan to find out what was wrong. She was waiting to confer with a collegue since I didn't have insurance she wanted a second opinion as to whether they thought the CT scan was warranted in my case. Even though the worst of my pain was on the lower left of my abdomen, it was decided that because of my high white count they wanted to make sure it wasn't my appendix and so got me set up to got to the hospital for a CT scan. In the meantime they gave me a shot of pain killer in my bottom to give me some relief.

Russ took me to the front entrance of the hospital and dropped me off so he could take the girls home, change a diaper, etc and said to call him when I was finished. I was checked in and taken to the imaging services lab.
After a short wait I was feeling much, much better as the pain killer they gave me at Urgent Care was doing its thing. A girl cam out and gave me two bottles of a beverage with contrast that I had to drink for the next hour before the CT scan. I called Russ and told him what was going on asked him if he could bring my book. He was kind enough to oblige and I was pleased that I got to read my novel rather than having to watch Dr. Oz or read Prevention magazine for the next hour & a half.   The contrast was supposedly Kiwi Strawberry flavored and while the first few sips were quite tolerable, by the time I got to the second bottle the stuff was just nasty!

When I was almost finished drinking the stuff a young lady came and got me and said that since the lab was running slightly behind she was gonna try to help them out by getting my IV set up. After two painful tries to get one started in my left arm, she gave up and said that she wasn't much help after all. I went back to reading my book and before too long CT tech came and got me. He was super friendly and put me right at ease. He got me in the scanner, got the IV in my right arm on the first try, and explained the procedure in detail. The IV delivered a second contrast into my blood stream so they would be able to see those systems as well. Having that go through my system was such an odd feeling. It caused a strange sensation in the back of my throat and then a warm sensation that felt like I wet myself but didn't. Luckily the tech had warned me of these common sensations so I was prepared. What I wasn't prepared for going through the scan was how dizzy I would get. I didn't enjoy that at all. The test was quick and I was quickly sent back out. The tech left my IV in 'just in case' I'd need it later since I was 'such a tough stick'. He said that the radiologist should read my scan sometime in the next half hour and give the results to the Urgent Care doctor and that someone should let me know what they find out soon. I called Russ again and updated him on the progress. About 20 minutes later the tech was back and told me he had the doctor on the phone and she wanted to talk to me. Up until this point I was still fairly confident that is was probably no big deal so I was quite disappointed when I heard her say, "You have appendicitis." In that moment, several waves of thought went through me. I was scared, I was glad that I went in so early and that I had the CT scan in spite of the cost, and I was just kind of surprised. For a split second I thought I might cry but I didn't. I just said, "okay, okay, okay" to everything she & the tech told me. I was taken upstairs and was told the surgeon would be in to talk to me soon.

By this time it was after 5 o'clock. I called Russ again, told him what was going on and that I wanted him to find someone to watch the kids so he could come up with me. He got our neighbor to come over for awhile and he called my parents to tell them what was going on and to have them come up to watch the girls for the night. The surgeon came and was a petite woman with a tiny voice. She said that she would be doing a laparoscopic appendectomy and explained what that was. She said I would be going into surgery about 7 o'clock. I asked her about being put under and was told that I would be completely under but that I would be taken out of it as soon as the procedure was finished. I asked her how long the surgery would take and she told me that her fastest time was 6 min but that it could take up to an hour.   Russ got to me shortly after the surgeon left. We sat & talked for awhile. I was good to have him there to talk to cause my nerves were starting to kick in a little although I think I was pretty calm on the exterior.

After that I was asked to change into the hospital gown, was put in a bed and wheeled into pre-op. Russ was given a pager and he headed home. My nurse in pr-op was cool. She hooked me up to some monitors, explained a few things to me and tried to put me at ease. There was no bathroom up there so I experienced the use of a bed pan for the first time ever. The anesthesiologist came and talked to me. I was shivering pretty bad and he got the over all impression that I was nervous and had the nurse give me something to help me relax. My bladder was so full (even after the bed pan) that I was concerned that I would wet myself but the nurse reassured me that I wouldn't and told me that once I was under they would catheterize me. I found that strangely comforting.   The worst part for me was that wait between being given the relax meds and being wheeled into the operating room. I just was super uncomfortable between feeling kind of tired & out-of-it but still being aware and having a very full bladder. Plus--I was about to go to surgery where someone was gonna stick strange tools inside my body, unattach an organ & remove it from my body. Not the most relaxing thought. I remember thinking as they wheeled me down the hall for surgery was that the worst that could happen is that something could go wrong and I'd wake up in heaven.

Having an operation is such a ethereal experience. They give you drugs, wheel you to a strange room, you are aware of what is going on and what is about to happen but yet within seconds you are dead to the world and all the magic happens without any awareness at all. Then you wake up and everything is blurry & strange but yet you still sort of know what is going on. When I woke up in post op, I was so groggy. I remember several nurses but I couldn't really tell you what they looked like because I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to really see them...but was listening. I remember hearing one of the nurses explaining what an incredibly healthy patient I was. She commented on how little paperwork there was on me and how I was 31 and had never had any surgeries before, etc.    I have no idea how long I was in post-op but it seemed to me to be extremely short.

I was taken down to room 242 and Russ, my parents & my girls were waiting down there in the hall. It was so good to see them but I really had to make an effort to keep my eyes open to look at them because I was still really droopy at that point. My mom told me they were gonna take the girls home with them but they just wanted to see me before they left. The nurse told me my dad was there too but I never actually saw him. They left and I was settled into my room. My RN's name was Rachel. I loved Rachel, she was the sweetest nurse ever. I had her all night. She brought me a grape popsicle which was all I had had to eat the entire day. After a quick trip home, Russ was given a cot to sleep on and we tried to settle in a little.

I wasn't really in much pain but I couldn't move around much. Although, the IV gave me way more trouble than my incisions. I actually got quite a bit of sleep. I woke up at about 3:30 to go to the bathroom and then I got up just before 6 so that I could have Rachel help me one more time before that staff change. This morning was much more of a blur. I began to have a lot more pain around my incisions and in weird places like my shoulder (which the nurse said was probably from the surgery anesthetic.) I finally got to eat some real food. I ordered eggs, bacon & toast for breakfast and turkey, stuffing & salad for lunch but I really wasn't able to eat much of it. The surgeon came in about 7 to talk to me. I am suppose to go see her in a couple weeks, I guess. She gave the orders that I was to be released from the hospital after lunch so we spent most of our morning sitting around flipping through the channels on the tv although we both got decent naps in mid-morning. I got to shower which was awesome. I was so stinky & gross. It felt so good to be washed!
Not too long after lunch the nurse came in and gave me my check-out instructions & papers and we packed up and came home. We got here about 1 o'clock...almost exactly 24 hours after I left the house, I was home again minus one appendix. :)

My parents still have my girls. I took a nice long nap this afternoon and I am currently documenting my experience for posterity. I am certainly sore but I am glad that things went as well as they did. Things could have been a lot worse. As it is, it was just a routine appendectomy and I am on the road to recovery in the comfort of my home.

Here are a few photos from the experience:

In my bed this morning.

The stupid IV that gave me so much trouble! The nurse finally took it out this morning when I couldn't feed myself since I couldn't bend my right arm.

Me after my wonderful, glorious shower!

Last night's IV drip.

The three small incisions. The one on the left is the one she pulled my appendix through.

Before & After: 06/09/11

2011-06-09T08:36:00.010-06:00

This photo is nearly a year old and I may have posted it before but I recently reworked the editing on it and wanted to share my new edit. This is my dad at the lake last year. I wanted to give it a darker, more pensive look. Let me know what you think. Is it too much?

Before (SOOC):

After (edit):

Taken with Canon 5d mark ii. Edited in Paint Shop Pro 9.

I Heart Faces: "From A Distance"

2011-06-05T23:16:00.000-06:00

Before & After: 06/02/2011

2011-06-02T08:37:00.001-06:00

I know this photo has appeared on my blog a lot recently but I really like how it turned out and I wanted to post it again today so you can see its transformation in today's "before & after" post.

Before (SOOC):

After (edit):

Photo taken with Canon 5d mark ii. Edit done in Paint Shop Pro 9.

I Heart Faces: "Best Face Photo from May"

2011-05-31T08:18:00.000-06:00

The Beauty of Western Nebraska

2011-05-27T08:25:00.002-06:00

Nebraska has a bad rep for being flat & boring. We are known for our open air and corn fields. And those of us that live here often long for mountains, beaches, palm trees or deserts. Driving across the state on Interstate 80 can be long & monotonous--it's true. But the fact is that Nebraska really is beautiful if you're willing to notice. And, as any true Nebraskan will tell you, there really is no place like it.

Many people new to the area marvel at the clarity & immensity of the night sky and the brilliance of the stars. Here in the panhandle we have the geologically marvelous sandhills and the gorgeous buttes scattered throughout. And there really is something wonderful about standing in front of a wheat field in the July wind and watching the "amber waves of grain." It really is beautiful.

Beautiful Nebraska
words by Jim Fras and Guy Gage Miller and music by Jim Fras

Beautiful Nebraska, peaceful prairie land.
Laced with many rivers and the hills of sand:
Dark green valleys cradled in the earth,
Rain and sunshine bring abundant birth.

CHORUS:
Beautiful Nebraska, as you look around,
You will find a rainbow reaching to the ground:
All these wonders by the Master's hand:
Beautiful Nebraska land.

We are so proud of this state where we live.
There is no place that has so much to give.

CHORUS:
Beautiful Nebraska, as you look around,
You will find a rainbow reaching to the ground:
All these wonders by the Master's hand:
Beautiful Nebraska land.

Enjoy the beauty of western Nebraska as seen through my camera!

Eden's 6 Year Portraits

2011-05-26T13:53:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I took Eden out and did some portraits to mark the 6 year mark...

I posted a sampling of them on my photography blog --HERE. Please check them out!

Before & After: 05/26/11

2011-05-26T08:58:00.001-06:00

Before (SOOC):

After (Edit):

Taken with Canon 5d Markii. Edited in Paint Shop Pro 9.

What I did:

I first upped brightness/contrast and ran a slight unsharp mask. Then I did a color adjust to yellow-up the skin tone a bit. I cropped it. Then I added a layer; sepia toned the background layer and then went to layer properties and used the 'hard light' setting.

A little birthday fun...

2011-05-25T21:48:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was Eden's birthday. Here's a rundown of the day...

She wanted a "Barbie" cake so I improvised. ;)

She wanted to go to McDonald's and have a fruit & yogurt parfait for lunch and play in the Playplace so we did that.

Then she had dance class and after dance several of her friends met us at the zoo for an afternoon of play. There was a peacock there that wanted in on all the action and kept following us around and freaking people out.

We were a bit worried about the weather but thankfully the rain held off until we left the zoo.

We came home & Eden opened the few gifts that we had for her.

Then we went to supper. Eden decided that she wanted sushi for her birthday dinner so we got two orders of avacado rolls & one order of cucumber rolls and the girls & I polished them off. (Yum!)

We came home had some of that cake. Right before this next photo was taken Russ said to Eden, "Okay blow your candle out." and she replied, "I have to think of a wish first." This is her thinking up her wish. :)

Then we played a game of Sequence, a game of Yahtzee, & watched 'Gnomeo & Juliet'.

It was a good day.

(Eden in her new Hannah Montana jammies.)

6 Years Ago...

2011-05-24T10:48:00.002-06:00

...I was lying in hospital bed just waiting for the pain of childbirth to be over. It was probably about this time that I was getting my epidural and was finally able to sleep a little. At 1:40 pm on May 24, 2005, I became a mom to this precious 5 lb 14 oz baby. (You can read a short version of her birth story HERE.) We named her Eden which means "delight" and Elizabeth which means "consecrated to God". We loved calling her "Our delight consecrated to God." She was a wonderfully sweet little baby and was a great child to start with.

Today she is six and it is so crazy to look back and see how she has grown and to see how that sweet temperament has manifested itself in her personality. She is such a girly girl. She loves wearing dresses and has pretty much worn one everyday for the last month. She is a huge fan of anything sparkly. She is into barbies, princesses & fashion. She has a great imagination and it is so much fun hearing her tell her stories. She has finished Kindergarten and can read but she lacks the confidence & ambition to try anything she hasn't done before. Eden is an excellent hula hooper. She has above average hula hooping skills for her age. She is in dance. She loves books & drawing. Her current favorite shows are High School Musical, Blue's Clues, & Tangled. She is a daddy's girl and seems most at peace when she is curled up in his lap. She has the tendency to be overly exuberant and gets super excited about life, but conversely gets excessively upset when things don't always go her way. As a rule she is a people pleaser and kinda shy. She can't do anything alone because she gets scared and therefore relies on her sisters a lot. She loved pasta & alfredo. She wants sushi for her birthday dinner but won't eat olives even though she used to love them. Eden has a tender heart, loves animals, people & God. She often tells me that she is "talking to God in my heart about that." Every time (all year) she prays for a meal she prays that God will "keep the storms & hail away." since she had a major storm & tornado warning on her birthday last year. She is the most specialist 6 year old ever and she truly is a delight!

Happy Birthday to my Eden!

I Heart Faces: "Yellow"

2011-05-23T01:21:00.000-06:00

Before & After: 05/19/11

2011-05-19T10:10:00.000-06:00

Before (SOOC):

After (Edit):

Taken with Canon 5D Markii. Edited in Paint Shop Pro 9.

I Heart Faces: "May Flowers"

2011-05-16T00:43:00.000-06:00

Before & After: Among the flowers

2011-05-12T08:55:00.000-06:00

Before (SOOC):

After (Edit):

Photo taken with Canon 5d Mark ii. Edited in Paint Shop Pro 9.

I Heart Faces: "Motherhood"

2011-05-09T09:57:00.000-06:00

Before & After: Snacktime

2011-05-05T09:07:00.001-06:00

Before (SOOC):

After (Edit):

Taken with Canon 5d Markii. Edit done in Paint Shop Pro9.

I Heart Faces: "Soft & Sweet"

2011-05-02T12:52:00.000-06:00

Before & After: Self-Portrait with My Honey

2011-04-28T09:08:00.000-06:00

Before (SOOC):

After (Edit):

Taken by me with remote on my Canon 5D Mark ii. Edit done in Paint Shop Pro9.

Bonus if you spotted the remote right away. ;)

I Heart Faces: "Pets"

2011-04-26T08:25:00.003-06:00

Painting Eggs

2011-04-21T20:58:00.002-06:00

As a child I decorated eggs every year. However this is the first year my kids have decorated eggs for Easter. Eden found an egg decorating kit at Goodwill a month or so ago and has been anxious to use it. I was a little worried that it would be a bust since the box said that it needed to be purchased by June 2003! Luckily nothing had evaporated and Eden & Jasmine had a fun time painting their eggs.

I Heart Faces: "Wind"

2011-04-17T01:26:00.000-06:00

Before & After: My best friend

2011-04-14T07:46:00.000-06:00

Before (SOOC):

After (Edit):

Photo taken with my Canon 5D Mark ii and edited in Paint Shop Pro 9.

My imaginary boyfriend

2011-04-13T20:01:00.001-06:00

So, when I was a girl...you know the middle school/junior high aged girl I had an imaginary boyfriend. I know, lame, right? Most preschoolers have imaginary friends but outgrow that. Me...well, I don't remember having imaginary friends as a child but I did have an imaginary boyfriend when I was twelve.

His name was Max and he was super cute and totally nice. :)

Why, you may ask, am I bringing this up now? Well because the guy from my adolescent imaginations has come to life and has been singing to me weekly on the American Idol stage. He may have only been two years old when "Max" existed only in my mind but this is exactly what he looked like. It's crazy!

Stefano Langone may not be the strongest performer on American Idol this year. In fact, he's not one of the competitors that has been getting my votes but you can't deny his cute factor. And every week I relive my younger years and reminisce about my imaginary boyfriend, "Max". Did any of you have imaginary boyfriends or am I alone in this?

Okay, I know...I'm probably a freak.

I Heart Faces: "Shadows"

2011-04-11T00:31:00.001-06:00

Coming home...

2011-04-08T15:07:00.000-06:00

So I had a great time in Michigan. Tuesday was an especially nice day with Connie. Tuesday night I called home and found out that Russ was sick all day and didn't anticipate being able to pick me up at the airport Wednesday morning. My brother & sister-in-law came to get me instead. While it was nice to see them I was disappointed that I didn't get to see my babies as soon as I landed. I missed my girls and main man so much!

It was so good to get home and see this sweet face.

The girls had been coloring with sidewalk chalk out in the front of our house and Jasmine showed me her masterpeice and explained to me (circling her hand from the top, counterclockwise to the circle in the upper right) that "It goes aaalll the way to Michigan!" And it case you couldn't tell, inside the circle it says "I love you" in Jasmine's unique shorthand. :) What a welcome!

Then I got to snuggle!

Home sweet home.

Michigan: Tuesday

2011-04-05T20:04:00.000-06:00

Today was an amazing day with my friend. We went to Grand Haven and spent the day just the two of us. We sat at the coffee shop where she used to work and just talked for a couple hours. Then we walked down the pier & talked. It was just a good day.

Michigan: Monday

2011-04-04T19:17:00.001-06:00

The day of lighthouses...visited three different lighthouses today. You can watch the day get warmer. :)

Michigan: Sunday

2011-04-03T22:05:00.000-06:00

When you visit a pastor's family...plan on spending most of your Sunday at church. :)

I Heart Faces: "Best Face Photo from March"

2011-04-03T12:01:00.000-06:00

Michigan: Saturday

2011-04-02T19:26:00.000-06:00

A few photos from my first day in Michigan.

My Best Friend

2011-03-31T16:46:00.003-06:00

Two twenty-two year old woman. Literally rolling with laughter on (and off) the old smelly blue couch, holding their sides & stomachs because of the pain such uncontrollable bursts of giggling causes. Tears rolling down their cheek, gasping for air. Just as one is about to gain control of her senses and find relief from the madness, she catches the eye of the other and the breathless, gut-wrenching laughter grabs hold once again. Between gasps, they beg the other to stop but the revelry of the moment is being burned into their hearts to be treasured for a lifetime, strengthening their already rock solid friendship. Who knew that Tom Hanks & his money pit had such tremendous power? They don't know where their paths will lead or what the future will hold. They only know that they are at the precipice of their adult lives and that they need to treasure these lingering moments of childish whimsey before they are swept away into the next season of life where uncontrollable laughter over falling bathtubs is nigh unto extinct.

I met Connie when I was fifteen. I was about to start my sophomore year of high school. The days were still hot and two-a-day volleyball practices had begun. My friend, K., took up with the new girl and introduced her to me & our friend, M.. Connie was a junior and had previously lived in another small town just 40 miles down the road. She was tall, thin, blond. She was quite nice & fun-loving, and it was natural to include her in our small social group. By the time school was in full swing, the four of us had become our own little clan. Within the group we all had different relationships as duos. M. & I were best friends; but Connie & M. never got incredibly close. And I never had the same connection with K. that M. & Connie did. And although there were varying degrees of connections within our group, we always had a great time together. We goofed around, enjoyed slumber parties, danced, watched movies, and, of course, talked about guys, each other, & the big questions of life. However, over the next few years, (by the time we all had graduated & moved on to college) the dynamics of the group had begun to shift dramatically.

K. had twin babies during her senior year and got married soon after. M. found a greater sense of adventure and began exploring other social groups & activities. And Connie & I, in our safe little guarded worlds, began to grow closer. We went to the same small college 30 min from our high school. Connie lived off campus and commuted while I lived in the dorms, so with our busy schedules we didn't actually spend much time together at first. But I began to encourage her to come to the weekly InterVarsity Christian Fellowship meetings that I had become heavily involved with and eventually she did. It was at one of those meetings that Connie found Jesus. And that is when our relationship really began to blossom.

While I had been saved at a very young age, college was where I found a passion for Jesus. I became very involved in campus ministry, had so many great Christian friends, and spent so much of my time refining my worldview. So when Connie was born-again and her passion for Christ became evident, it was only natural that our friendship now gained a whole new depth & dimension. We started a weekly prayer meeting together which mostly consisted of just the two of us, and some days we spent a couple hours in my dorm room pouring our hearts out to God together. Those prayer meetings brought such spiritual intimacy and are some of the absolute best times we've had together. So by the end of 2001, Connie & I were extremely close--best friends. Connie had just graduated from college and wasn't sure where to go from there and I was at a place in my education and life-in-general where things just didn't seem to be working out and I was frustrated and needed a break. So I decided to do a full-time internship for a semester. And in January of 2002, Connie & I moved to South Dakota and became roommates. 2002 was a year of transition for both of us. It was an amazing year. Soon after we moved, my boyfriend broke up with me, which was incredibly hard but for the best. Connie & I hooked up with (thanks to M.) an amazing bible study group of young unmarried people that became our life during our time there. It was during our seven months there that we experienced the giggle-fest mentioned above. Our time in South Dakota was a real gift. Not only was it an invaluable experience both in life lessons & spiritual growth but it was a gift to our friendship...our last real bit of time alone together as friends before being led into our separate lives. When my internship ended, I returned to finish school and Connie came with me. By the time I graduated in May 2003, Connie & I were both engaged to be married!

Marriage is a beautiful thing. And it is incredible to me that we both found our spouses simultaneously nearly as soon as we moved back that autumn. Russ & I married in August 2003, and Jim & Connie followed suit a month later. Our new lives had begun, and while still friends to the core...Connie & my friendship would never be the same. We were now wives, and our husbands would naturally take priority. I soon moved to Colorado & Connie moved to Michigan. And while our lives have not left us static, neither has it brought us to living at the same place at the same time...(although ironically we missed living in the same town by a week...she moved away from my current location a week before we moved here. bleh!) She is again living in Michigan and I am here in Nebraska. Because of our distant and busy lives, we barely talk. We are lucky if we see each other once a year for more than a couple hours. And most of our communication is in the form of an email every couple months. But our hearts are forever connected, and she will always be my dearest friend.

Tomorrow is a special day. Tomorrow I will be getting on a plane and getting off where she is. Tomorrow I get to see my best friend. Russ is taking off work to be with the kids and I am going to spend 5 days exploring Connie's world. Soaking up her life. Reacquainting myself with the intricacies of her heart. And hopefully laughing until I cry. Pray for blessings upon this journey. For me....and my best friend. :)

oriGINAl imaGINAtion

A Mountain Retreat

I Heart Faces: "Oh So Silly"

I Heart Faces: "By the Book"

I Heart Faces: : "Family Fun"

I Heart Faces: "Best Face Photo of 2011"

Smile...it's a whole new year!

Christmas: Take Two (A.k.a. New Years Eve)

Books I read in 2011

My Christmas Gift...

Christmas: Take One

Merry Christmas...

Loss...

Sharing the journey

Ugly Sweater Party

Making Christmas Cookies

Beautiful Girls & Beautiful Bokeh

I Heart Faces: "On Your Feet"

A Touch of Christmas

Fear in a fallen world

I Heart Faces: "Bust a Gut"

I Heart Faces: Autumn Splendor

Being Grateful for...Pastors

My Fall Fledglings...

I Heart Faces: "Black"

Smile...

Turning my eyes upon Jesus...

Stepping out of the Boat

I Heart Faces: "Let them be little"

Looking forward in faith to an "unknown" known future

Acacia's birthday

Five Question Friday: 10/14/2011

I Heart Faces: "Hands"

Cute Things My Kids Have Said: Part 8

I haven't updated this since FEBRUARY!! So I thought it was about time. More cute things from my cute kids!

(Eden is 6; Jasmine is 4; Acacia is almost 2) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feb. 27, 2011: Jasmine: "Why isn't celery made out of flavor?"

March 6, 2011: From the mouth of Jasmine: "Our grandmas look like God and our grandpas look like Jesus."

March 30, 2011: Eden (matter of factly): "Everyone says I'm a rockstar." Me: "Who says that?" Eden: "Kids. All the kids in town."

May 2, 2011: Eden explaining to Jasmine what public school is like, "There are other kids there and you have to stay there aaaall day. And they have desks and you're not suppose to take your shoes off."

May 3, 2011: Jasmine: "Look, it's not 'wind' ing anymore."

May 7, 2011: While watching 'The Wizard of Oz' Eden says, "The munchkins look like kids but they have mom & dad faces."

May 7, 2011: Also while watching 'The Wizard of Oz' I was amazed at how insightful she (Eden) was. At one point she turns to me and says, "The Scarecrow has no brain but he's the one that figures stuff out."

May 22, 2011: Eden was playing outside and found a worm in the sandbox and was so excited. Now she ran inside all sad saying "Poor wormy." because when she tried picking it up it fell in two.

June 1, 2011: Eden got in trouble for disobedience. I asked her why she didn't do what I asked and she said she was having too much fun and being crazy. I told her that she needs to always obey first and then she can play. She cried and said, "But the crazies were bothering me."

June 5, 2011: Eden's nighttime reading material: Her kid's cookbook!

June 21, 2011: We gave Acacia a taste of Henry Weinhard's Root Beer. Her reaction: "It's spicy."

July 2, 2011: Eden has her first loose tooth and cannot stop talking about it. She has been walking around the house saying, "I can't believe I have a loose tooth." and "Loose tooth, loose tooth, loose tooth."

July 18, 2011: Just googled 'how to get gum out of eyelashes'. The adventures of motherhood!

July 19, 2011: I was sitting on the couch watching tv with Jasmine and out of the blue she turns to me and asks, "How did the appendicitis get into you?" A month & half later and she's still thinking about it.

Aug. 17, 2011: At supper Eden asked me how long until there is no night & day. Jasmine said, "Is it when we're dead?" Then after talking about it for a bit Jasmine turns to me and asks, "Is Meanma gonna turn into god and is Papa gonna be Jesus?"

Aug. 30, 2011: Acacia (with the sweetest smile of expectation) says, "Look, Mommy! I colored!" She had created a blue masterpiece all over our white step stool.

Sept. 1, 2011: I asked Jasmine if she likes Uncle Vaughn. She said. "Yeah, He's a great uncle. But he's a giant."

Sept. 7, 2011: Jasmine recently informed us that her "woobie" has a "real" name. Woobie is his fake name and his real name is Aguash (or Ogwash) Campbell

Sept. 8, 2011: I was talking to the kids about God and Jasmine asks, "So God never dies?" I said "No, God never ever dies!" Then Eden spoke up and said, "Except that one time when they nailed him to the cross, but he came back to life."

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If you want to enjoy past 'Cute Things' posts than click HERE!

First Day of School (2011-2012)

Remembering...

Before & After: 9/1/11

I did it...alternately titled "My non-frugal decision"

I Heart Faces: "White"

I Heart Faces: "Pets"

I Heart Faces: "Beautiful Eyes"

I Heart Faces: "Friendship"

My go-to pancake recipe

5Q Friday: August 5, 2011

A sample of summer...

Isn't my daughter beautiful...

I Heart Faces: "Water"

Enjoying Summer

I Heart Faces: "Props"

Finding Time to Write

I Heart Faces: "A Touch of Whimsy"

Before & After: 06/23/11

Jasmine's 4 Year Portraits

I Heart Faces: "Let's hear it for the boys"

I Heart Faces: "Bright and Vivid"

Jasmine's birthday

Happy 4th Birthday to my Jasmine Jubilee

(Eden is 6; Jasmine is 4; Acacia is almost 2)
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March 30, 2011: Eden (matter of factly): "Everyone says I'm a rockstar."
Me: "Who says that?"
Eden: "Kids. All the kids in town."